Understanding the Flavors of Emotions with Kim Korte

WEBVTT

00:00:00.010 --> 00:00:09.980
If we can go from fear to cautious to curious, once we get curious, that's when we get those moments of inspiration.

00:00:10.279 --> 00:00:13.710
That's when we get those moments of clarity.

00:00:14.029 --> 00:00:20.589
That's when we get those moments of Elon Musk's visions, because he doesn't live in fear.

00:00:30.489 --> 00:00:41.890
Welcome to The Wayfinder Show with Luis Hernandez, where guests discuss the why and how of making changes that led them down a more authentic path or allow them to level up in some area of their life.

00:00:42.950 --> 00:00:50.869
Our goal is to dig deep and provide not only knowledge, but actionable advice to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

00:00:52.159 --> 00:00:54.810
Come join us and find the way to your dream life.

00:01:03.969 --> 00:01:05.679
Welcome back to the Wayfinder show.

00:01:06.409 --> 00:01:18.659
We're here with Kim Cortee and she is the host of the Flavors of Emotions podcast and the author of a new book called Yucky Yummy Savory Sweet, Understanding the Flavors of Emotions.

00:01:19.438 --> 00:01:25.399
The book uses the theory of constructed emotions to help people understand, recognize, and redesign their feelings.

00:01:26.069 --> 00:01:30.918
It is a unique approach to emotion management using concepts from cooking and dining.

00:01:31.289 --> 00:01:41.259
She explores how to make sense of our feelings through the lens of a chef, understanding flavors in a recipe to make it relatable and consumable for better emotional health.

00:01:42.009 --> 00:01:42.968
Kim, welcome to the show.

00:01:42.968 --> 00:01:43.899
Thanks for having me.

00:01:43.899 --> 00:01:45.358
I'm really happy to be here.

00:01:45.808 --> 00:01:46.099
Yeah.

00:01:46.099 --> 00:01:46.968
Thank you for being here.

00:01:47.289 --> 00:01:59.188
I'm curious how did you come up with the concept of combining, using cooking and culinary skills as an analogy to like emotional management?

00:02:00.698 --> 00:02:06.754
It's because perceptions are ingredients to Our emotions.

00:02:07.073 --> 00:02:22.304
It's what our brain uses to create our emotional experiences and the recipes that it uses to create love or whatever is based on our past experiences.

00:02:22.468 --> 00:02:30.949
So if you, whatever we've learned, our memories, experiences, all of these things are the same thing.

00:02:31.248 --> 00:02:40.878
And so I just use the term recipes because it's the combination of sensory experiences that is what makes up a memory.

00:02:41.338 --> 00:02:45.239
And one of those sensory experiences is how we feel.

00:02:45.239 --> 00:02:48.609
Before we go dive deeper into that let's learn a little bit more about you.

00:02:48.618 --> 00:02:51.649
What could you what would you give as your origin story?

00:02:53.338 --> 00:03:07.829
I, I'm an insatiably curious person and it really peaked after I went through a horrible divorce, literally laying on the floor of my condo, trying to figure out how can I keep this from happening to me again.

00:03:08.139 --> 00:03:10.998
And I had been through a lot in life.

00:03:11.058 --> 00:03:13.199
I, I had an alcoholic mother.

00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:18.188
She wasn't like the kind who beat you or anything, but there's still experiences that you get from that.

00:03:18.859 --> 00:03:21.878
And she died from it too, which was devastating.

00:03:22.818 --> 00:03:23.558
Horrific.

00:03:24.088 --> 00:03:28.829
I had some things that happened to me as a young girl that should never have happened.

00:03:29.288 --> 00:03:33.199
And so this was like the final straw for me.

00:03:33.209 --> 00:03:37.808
And I had to figure out how I could keep the divorce was the final straw.

00:03:37.829 --> 00:03:40.679
And I had to figure out how can I keep this from happening to me again?

00:03:41.118 --> 00:03:47.438
And the fact is I couldn't, but I could change me.

00:03:47.639 --> 00:03:48.929
I could make changes.

00:03:48.938 --> 00:03:52.038
And so that's when I went in search of.

00:03:52.038 --> 00:03:53.378
What made sense for me.

00:03:53.699 --> 00:03:58.399
And then I read this book called how emotions are made the secret life of the brain.

00:03:58.979 --> 00:04:01.008
And I was like, boom.

00:04:01.908 --> 00:04:07.588
And this was where I understood that everything we experience.

00:04:08.114 --> 00:04:30.454
Everything that we see, we hear, we smell, it is a prediction of the brain, and we think we are seeing when we're really experiencing it in our heads, and our whole world literally is in our heads, and I don't mean to sound matrixy, but It's just how the brain works and how we're designed.

00:04:30.963 --> 00:04:44.774
So all of these are just vehicles, this nose, the mouth, our ears, our skin, and even our internal organs are all vehicles for sending and receiving sensory signals.

00:04:47.353 --> 00:04:49.173
Yeah, that, that's interesting.

00:04:49.173 --> 00:04:56.478
So first of all, kudos to you for when, having that, that, what is it, that growth mindset to just.

00:04:56.809 --> 00:04:58.519
Make sure it doesn't happen again, right?

00:04:58.559 --> 00:05:09.228
I think a lot of us, we go into, when we experience something tragic, we, or that is hard on us, that we go into victimhood, right?

00:05:09.269 --> 00:05:13.478
And we don't want to look within and think, how can we prevent this?

00:05:13.838 --> 00:05:14.959
From happening again, right?

00:05:15.379 --> 00:05:16.699
And I think that's a big deal.

00:05:17.399 --> 00:05:28.088
I would think I spent a fair amount of time in victimhood and because it's easy to blame someone else, right?

00:05:28.488 --> 00:05:30.668
Like I didn't do anything wrong, right?

00:05:30.999 --> 00:05:32.408
I didn't do anything wrong.

00:05:32.668 --> 00:05:34.129
He was the one who cheated.

00:05:34.139 --> 00:05:36.408
She was the one who broke my heart.

00:05:36.428 --> 00:05:37.559
Cause she was a friend of mine.

00:05:38.619 --> 00:05:42.879
And so I did spend time in victimhood and you know what good it did me?

00:05:43.889 --> 00:05:51.379
zilch like none and it just kept me in that place of it's everyone else, not me.

00:05:51.689 --> 00:05:52.079
That's right.

00:05:52.418 --> 00:05:55.689
The fact is I made the decision to marry him.

00:05:57.838 --> 00:06:05.088
And I made all of a lot of decisions that as an adult, obviously what happened to me as a child was not my decision.

00:06:05.569 --> 00:06:07.968
So what is underlying those decisions?

00:06:08.524 --> 00:06:09.293
Emotions.

00:06:09.754 --> 00:06:14.394
And so what is driving me or my emotions?

00:06:14.394 --> 00:06:16.274
And so I needed to figure those out.

00:06:16.783 --> 00:06:26.374
A lot of people don't realize that every decision that we make is underlined with emotion.

00:06:26.684 --> 00:06:34.103
We like to think it's purely logic, but in the end, it's how we feel that determines what we're gonna do.

00:06:34.103 --> 00:06:39.314
As logically based as we think it is, it's still emotionally driven.

00:06:39.314 --> 00:06:39.363
Emotions.

00:06:40.834 --> 00:06:47.944
Yeah, I'm curious when that was happening, what, did you have like an intuition that something was happening already?

00:06:48.553 --> 00:06:49.733
Like in a case with your husband.

00:06:50.324 --> 00:06:51.793
Oh, yeah.

00:06:51.903 --> 00:06:55.694
In fact, this is a major point in my book.

00:06:56.254 --> 00:06:58.303
I suffered my whole life.

00:06:58.324 --> 00:07:07.824
Like it was modeled for me and I think it was modeled for my parents and we see a lot of this, which is willful blindness.

00:07:08.004 --> 00:07:15.824
Some people would call it cognitive dissonance, but in the end you still don't want to face reality.

00:07:16.124 --> 00:07:16.504
You.

00:07:17.168 --> 00:07:25.369
Emotionally can't handle a situation, maybe because you don't know how to deal with it, or maybe because you think it's going to be too painful.

00:07:26.928 --> 00:07:39.319
The point was I pushed down all of the signs, all of the signals, all of the feelings inside of me that said there's something going on here.

00:07:39.678 --> 00:07:39.939
Yeah.

00:07:40.038 --> 00:07:48.389
And I just didn't want to believe it because I thought this was the person for the, for my rest of my life.

00:07:48.858 --> 00:07:54.939
We had two businesses together and his parents were like parents to me.

00:07:55.394 --> 00:08:00.173
And my whole world was our businesses because we worked in and grew it together.

00:08:00.444 --> 00:08:06.973
These two businesses and all of the people who worked for us and all of his patients who came in to see us.

00:08:07.024 --> 00:08:08.254
That was my whole world.

00:08:08.553 --> 00:08:13.624
So I couldn't imagine that I, my, a world without it.

00:08:14.074 --> 00:08:20.334
And it was my fear that kept me from looking at it and also from taking action.

00:08:21.939 --> 00:08:23.939
Let's back track even further.

00:08:23.978 --> 00:08:30.348
How about when you were falling in love with this gentleman that you were gonna marry, right?

00:08:31.079 --> 00:08:31.978
Bad decision maker?

00:08:32.759 --> 00:08:33.208
What's that?

00:08:33.208 --> 00:08:33.658
Yeah.

00:08:33.849 --> 00:08:35.168
Yeah, bad decision maker.

00:08:35.198 --> 00:08:37.629
Did you have any intuition that this could happen?

00:08:39.019 --> 00:08:39.999
Oh, no.

00:08:40.149 --> 00:08:40.499
No.

00:08:41.249 --> 00:08:44.139
You thought, oh, this is gonna be the most loyal partner in life?

00:08:44.769 --> 00:08:58.479
Oh gosh, he was I had, like I told you I had a few really rough emotional experiences and my mom had died from alcoholism.

00:08:58.528 --> 00:09:04.759
Soon after that, my father remarried somebody very quickly and that was really hard on me.

00:09:04.769 --> 00:09:18.818
Today I know that it's very common for a man to After being widowed to marry again quickly, but at the time it was, I just thought it was completely disloyal of my father.

00:09:19.489 --> 00:09:27.339
And I had also had an experience within the religion of my youth that had rocked my spiritual core.

00:09:27.538 --> 00:09:31.219
So I was a wreck when I met my father.

00:09:31.749 --> 00:09:33.499
First husband, I'm married.

00:09:33.548 --> 00:09:36.028
The second time, but I was a wreck.

00:09:36.408 --> 00:09:39.658
And I thought he was my savior.

00:09:40.099 --> 00:09:43.879
And he was, he's this New York macho kind of guy.

00:09:44.219 --> 00:09:48.879
And he seemed like he just wanted to take care of me and protect me.

00:09:49.418 --> 00:09:53.214
And yeah I, didn't look hard.

00:09:53.333 --> 00:09:54.774
I really didn't look hard.

00:09:54.774 --> 00:10:01.114
That was all I focused on because I was in so much pain and he acted like he loved me.

00:10:01.114 --> 00:10:10.933
He said all the right things and I do think he did, but I think he has his own problems that came into the relationship and why he needed me.

00:10:11.374 --> 00:10:12.293
And yeah.

00:10:12.303 --> 00:10:17.663
So as I started to change it, it didn't work out too well for him.

00:10:18.754 --> 00:10:19.183
Gotcha.

00:10:19.624 --> 00:10:20.063
Okay.

00:10:20.173 --> 00:10:43.443
I was just curious because I was wondering if based on your expertise and emotional management and how feelings and such as you described, affect, what our perception is if you had any, prior You know, feelings or experiences that would lead, to have that, that either blinded that perception of or allowed it to happen.

00:10:43.563 --> 00:10:44.494
Do you know what I'm saying here?

00:10:44.594 --> 00:10:44.923
Yeah.

00:10:44.923 --> 00:10:47.024
So I didn't have.

00:10:47.619 --> 00:10:49.658
the knowledge I have now, then.

00:10:50.019 --> 00:11:02.938
And boy, if I had just even this skill, because I call it as a skill, we'll get into it, but this skill of being able to connect to your feelings and identify them we're born with it.

00:11:02.958 --> 00:11:05.099
And then I think we go off the rails.

00:11:05.298 --> 00:11:09.938
We, it gets, it's like a poor implementation of software.

00:11:10.109 --> 00:11:13.548
If it is the best analogy only because I've.

00:11:14.178 --> 00:11:15.928
I implemented software in my career.

00:11:16.269 --> 00:11:22.408
So the fact at that point in time was I was in so much pain.

00:11:22.428 --> 00:11:40.599
I was just looking for someone to fill this hole that was inside of me that needed feeling billing and I wasn't filling it up myself, so looking for external people was a huge mistake, but.

00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:45.308
The fact was, is that I was not emotionally aware.

00:11:45.749 --> 00:11:47.658
I was emotionally a wreck.

00:11:47.808 --> 00:11:50.369
In fact, I was a horrible employee, even.

00:11:50.379 --> 00:11:58.568
I recently reached out to my old boss and said, thank you for putting up with me and not firing me because I was a wreck.

00:11:58.869 --> 00:12:00.619
Yeah, and you know what he responded?

00:12:00.938 --> 00:12:02.668
Yeah, those were interesting times.

00:12:02.719 --> 00:12:06.153
Which was his way of saying, I'm You know what?

00:12:06.163 --> 00:12:07.323
You were a wreck.

00:12:07.374 --> 00:12:07.714
Yeah.

00:12:08.124 --> 00:12:15.203
It's that's just how much our emotions are, our inability to manage them or identify them can play havoc in our life.

00:12:15.464 --> 00:12:15.803
Yeah.

00:12:16.303 --> 00:12:17.813
Where, and so where does that come from?

00:12:18.203 --> 00:12:24.484
How does that inability to manage your emotions develop or better put how do you learn to manage your emotions?

00:12:25.974 --> 00:12:29.183
So I think you got to start with what is an emotion, right?

00:12:29.394 --> 00:12:29.734
Yeah.

00:12:30.254 --> 00:12:30.573
Thank you.

00:12:31.068 --> 00:12:43.979
What is an emotion and an emotion is different from feelings, literally an emotion is an electrical chemical signal that comes from the brain.

00:12:44.528 --> 00:12:51.519
We well multiple organs create them, but there's a peptide that gets created from a neuron.

00:12:51.668 --> 00:13:00.269
So I like to do, I break it down in the book, but if you think of our brain is having a bunch of recipes.

00:13:00.778 --> 00:13:01.729
As what I call it.

00:13:01.778 --> 00:13:14.058
So every time we learn something, we create some call it a neural pathway neuronal wiring, but it learning experiences memories.

00:13:14.089 --> 00:13:14.999
It's all the same.

00:13:15.048 --> 00:13:16.369
And I call them recipes.

00:13:17.528 --> 00:13:25.568
When I said earlier that we don't see with our eyes, literally as little kids, we understand what a ball is.

00:13:25.568 --> 00:13:27.519
We learn what our mother's face is.

00:13:27.568 --> 00:13:33.759
We get these perceptive signals that incoming and we learn what they mean.

00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:38.418
So our brain is always trying to make meaning of incoming signals.

00:13:38.734 --> 00:13:46.724
Okay, so this works for what we hear, what we see, what we smell, what we taste, what we touch, and what we feel inside.

00:13:47.274 --> 00:13:59.509
The brain, when it gets this, Information a neuron can fire these peptides that go out to the body and create feelings.

00:13:59.578 --> 00:14:04.428
So the emotion is, in fact, a famous neuroscientist.

00:14:04.428 --> 00:14:06.568
Her name is Oh, Good for me.

00:14:06.619 --> 00:14:08.349
I just forgot her name, Candice Pert.

00:14:09.009 --> 00:14:11.479
She calls them molecules of emotion.

00:14:11.538 --> 00:14:19.089
They go out to the body and then we experience the sensations and that's feelings.

00:14:19.568 --> 00:14:24.219
So we can produce them, but we cannot connect to those feelings.

00:14:25.938 --> 00:14:27.249
That's the distinction.

00:14:27.589 --> 00:14:33.158
Or we can get the feelings and not understand what they're telling us.

00:14:33.839 --> 00:14:38.719
So feelings come in multiple, or emotions come in two kinds.

00:14:38.948 --> 00:14:49.139
There's the kind that tell us we're hungry, we're thirsty, we're sick, we need to go to the restroom our heart is racing.

00:14:49.639 --> 00:14:55.489
These are emotions and they're called homeostatic or the ones that keep us alive and healthy.

00:14:55.558 --> 00:14:58.308
If we ignored eating for long enough, guess what?

00:14:58.749 --> 00:15:00.548
We're going to starve and die.

00:15:00.808 --> 00:15:06.149
We don't drink water unless don't pay attention to those signals of thirst.

00:15:06.918 --> 00:15:08.048
We're also going to die.

00:15:08.698 --> 00:15:11.749
And then we have the emotions that use the same body parts.

00:15:12.573 --> 00:15:14.374
It's like anger and love.

00:15:14.793 --> 00:15:19.443
And you will notice anger in your stomach and maybe, in other parts of your body.

00:15:20.043 --> 00:15:28.364
But that's the same place that you're going to feel anger and hunger, and these two can get confused.

00:15:28.933 --> 00:15:32.114
So that's the important point.

00:15:32.604 --> 00:15:41.053
But this system that communicates to us our feelings it's our ability to connect to them and to understand them, which is what.

00:15:41.333 --> 00:15:50.239
Gives us that ability to differentiate the emotions that what we're feeling so we're born with this ability to feel.

00:15:50.269 --> 00:15:57.068
We're born with all of these chemicals and peptides, but how we label them starts at a very young age.

00:15:57.619 --> 00:16:07.438
We know what hunger is, and we know that when it gets taken care of because your stomach is satisfied and that feeling, those pangs go away.

00:16:07.639 --> 00:16:09.769
So you learn how to identify them.

00:16:10.349 --> 00:16:33.063
We don't, always have that distinction in our emotion as children on the different emotion states because maybe our parents lack the vocabulary or maybe we weren't taught what like the difference is between being angry and being upset or being miffed or being enraged.

00:16:33.543 --> 00:16:50.114
And so our ability to recognize those different feeling states is what gives us distinction in our emotions, but also gives us the ability to recognize different situations that might call for any of those different feeling states.

00:16:50.854 --> 00:16:58.354
And those situations are those interoceptive, those, I should take that back.

00:16:58.354 --> 00:17:09.469
It's interoceptive and It, which is internal signals and extra receptive, which are exterior perceptive signals that come in to the brain.

00:17:09.469 --> 00:17:12.618
Did I just make it too complicated?

00:17:12.618 --> 00:17:21.739
That, that last piece of what would be, I'm not sure I understand the difference between the internal and external perceptions.

00:17:21.788 --> 00:17:23.148
Can you give a concrete example?

00:17:23.469 --> 00:17:24.088
Yes.

00:17:24.608 --> 00:17:26.338
Every time you feel hunger.

00:17:26.689 --> 00:17:29.618
That is an internal perception.

00:17:30.398 --> 00:17:34.949
Every time you observe the world, that's an external perception.

00:17:34.959 --> 00:17:38.489
Hearing me is an external perceptive signal.

00:17:38.788 --> 00:17:39.239
Gotcha.

00:17:39.548 --> 00:17:41.519
Feeling inside of your body.

00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:47.058
So the interior activity that is.

00:17:47.763 --> 00:17:49.013
interoception.

00:17:49.013 --> 00:17:52.213
So think of it as feeling the interior of your body.

00:17:52.794 --> 00:17:53.153
Okay.

00:17:54.023 --> 00:17:59.794
So I'm interested in the w when let's take the concept of a heartbreak.

00:18:00.314 --> 00:18:00.693
Okay.

00:18:01.554 --> 00:18:06.663
We get a heartbreak that an emotion that we feel and it becomes a very physical feeling, right?

00:18:06.673 --> 00:18:12.644
Like you said, we feel it in our stomachs and it can linger and really shut us down, right?

00:18:12.903 --> 00:18:14.374
I'm sure it's a lot like what you felt.

00:18:14.528 --> 00:18:45.134
When you were treated on right and how are there ways knowing the way now the brain works and the body works that we can Are there things we can do to work through that quicker and it may be in a more productive way Rather than oftentimes just like we talk about letting it heal by time Especially things like a heartbreak or just somebody burning us and we feel you know, burned in some way A lot of times it's time that Has to allow those wounds to heal.

00:18:45.134 --> 00:18:45.703
Exactly.

00:18:45.763 --> 00:18:51.054
And a scar from a major surgery is going to heal much differently than a scrape on the knee.

00:18:51.324 --> 00:18:51.663
Sure.

00:18:51.693 --> 00:19:10.483
That's why I think, that word trauma can be overused and abused because if we can't distinguish situations of depth with little small incidents, I think that it is a disservice to us to not be able to do that.

00:19:11.403 --> 00:19:13.334
You have to allow time to heal.

00:19:14.344 --> 00:19:26.834
If you think about what you would do with a major surgery scar or major just when it first starts to heal, you want to do things to, Help it heal correctly.

00:19:27.023 --> 00:19:30.933
You want to be proactive in that healing process.

00:19:31.294 --> 00:19:35.144
And so why would we want, not want to do it any differently?

00:19:35.604 --> 00:19:44.943
If we kept picking at a scar, if we kept, our mind focused on, on the scar and how much pain we're in, guess what we're going to experience a lot of.

00:19:45.669 --> 00:19:46.929
More pain.

00:19:47.269 --> 00:19:59.548
But if we focus on how to help it heal or things we can do to reduce the pain, it doesn't mean that pain didn't exist, but it's trying to move on and heal it.

00:20:00.878 --> 00:20:13.989
Yeah, I see The difference, so like with a wound, a physical wound, usually get a timeline, things you give you exercises and things you can do to be proactive, right, so that it can maybe even accelerate that timeline and what have you.

00:20:14.358 --> 00:20:22.334
But when it's a traumatic wound I wonder, Are there, it's hard in that moment to feel like, oh, this feeling is going to pass.

00:20:22.374 --> 00:20:25.403
I guess as we age, we learn to accept that, right?

00:20:25.403 --> 00:20:28.183
But you just feel like it's the end of the world, right?

00:20:28.453 --> 00:20:35.064
A loved one that passes, a heartbreak, a big loss of some catastrophic event.

00:20:35.074 --> 00:20:39.574
We just, it's hard to accept that this wound is going to pass.

00:20:39.624 --> 00:20:42.513
It's going to heal oftentimes, right?

00:20:42.594 --> 00:20:43.243
We don't know.

00:20:43.253 --> 00:20:45.763
There's no doctor telling us, Hey, just do this and that.

00:20:45.784 --> 00:20:46.903
And you're going to be okay.

00:20:47.374 --> 00:20:47.683
Right?

00:20:48.003 --> 00:20:49.034
Of course not.

00:20:49.243 --> 00:21:04.624
Like I said, you have to, you have to look at are you taking a minor scratch and treating it like it's a major wound or are you accepting like you have a major wound here and it's going to take time to heal.

00:21:04.884 --> 00:21:08.443
And emotionally, sometimes it still stings.

00:21:08.544 --> 00:21:22.868
For instance, I have hip dysplasia, and I've had both hips replaced at a very young age, and I did not heal well from the second one, and I still have, Moments of pain every day.

00:21:23.298 --> 00:21:29.548
I can focus on that pain, or I can notice when it does cause me problem.

00:21:29.548 --> 00:21:31.009
Well, what's, what am I doing?

00:21:31.209 --> 00:21:32.659
What is aggravating this?

00:21:32.689 --> 00:21:34.548
What's happening to aggravate it?

00:21:35.058 --> 00:21:54.259
So We can still have pain over losses, but it diminishes and it can become something that you use to either get into better physical, like I can, my hip can get better or it is in better shape if I'm more physically active or if I'm doing things to keep it strong.

00:21:54.669 --> 00:21:57.998
So it's a matter of what you want to do with it.

00:21:57.998 --> 00:22:00.278
And this goes back to, do we.

00:22:00.439 --> 00:22:08.749
Do we let that painful situation drive the rest of our life or do we use that to create the life that we want?

00:22:08.949 --> 00:22:15.528
So in my case, I said, I don't want to have this kind of heartbreak again.

00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:22.348
So I became focused on what I needed in a future relationship that was going to make me happy.

00:22:22.838 --> 00:22:41.503
I didn't, I looked at what went wrong, where I made mistakes because There was problems with my picker and I created the recipe for the relationship that I wanted and we can do the same thing with individual emotions.

00:22:41.784 --> 00:22:48.693
There, there are things that we don't even realize from our past that come up when we experience feelings.

00:22:49.243 --> 00:22:49.773
And.

00:22:50.134 --> 00:22:59.243
When we can uncover them or just say what has to happen for me to feel this like what is going on that why am I feeling this.

00:22:59.523 --> 00:23:04.634
And when you look at the ingredients or what's going on around you, you might see that.

00:23:05.213 --> 00:23:05.784
Oh, wait.

00:23:06.239 --> 00:23:11.028
This really isn't love this isn't what I need or want in love.

00:23:11.028 --> 00:23:13.949
This is just wrong.

00:23:14.009 --> 00:23:16.459
And this is what I want from love.

00:23:17.068 --> 00:23:28.729
And I try and use the example as if you think you see someone and they've got their arm around someone that's not their spouse and you're like, Oh, look, Joe's cheating on Sally.

00:23:29.108 --> 00:23:31.608
And then you look again and you see that it's not Joe.

00:23:32.419 --> 00:23:36.439
And the thing is that what we're feeling isn't always true.

00:23:37.409 --> 00:23:40.578
What we first experience isn't always right.

00:23:40.638 --> 00:23:43.088
Our brain is a prediction machine.

00:23:43.148 --> 00:23:48.419
It predicts every, all of our experiences and we can get them wrong.

00:23:49.009 --> 00:23:59.259
And it's when we are, what I say, take a second taste of a situation try and get more of the flavors of this situation.

00:23:59.858 --> 00:24:02.058
And there's a reason why I use flavor.

00:24:02.308 --> 00:24:06.709
It's because flavor is a combination of multiple sensory systems.

00:24:07.269 --> 00:24:14.554
So you can take a taste of something and then take a second taste and it can be there's more in it.

00:24:14.743 --> 00:24:17.683
There's more in that than there was in that initial taste.

00:24:17.943 --> 00:24:21.824
Because your first taste, you're more likely predicting the flavor.

00:24:22.493 --> 00:24:29.884
You're looking at it and you're tasting it and you're like, Oh yeah, could you expected eggs and ham, scrambled with ham in it.

00:24:30.034 --> 00:24:34.013
And then when you take a second taste, you might go, wait, there's too much salt here.

00:24:34.013 --> 00:24:37.574
Or there's something else in this and you, you can investigate it.

00:24:37.834 --> 00:24:40.104
So that's why I use these flavors.

00:24:40.173 --> 00:24:56.134
These the idea of flavors because it's a skill to be able to taste something and notice more flavors and it's a skill to experience an emotion and notice it and try and see is there more to this than what I'm tasting.

00:24:56.294 --> 00:24:59.273
I'm experiencing because I might get it wrong.

00:25:00.523 --> 00:25:02.584
One more example is in my book.

00:25:02.824 --> 00:25:05.923
And that's of a true story of this man who went to a party.

00:25:05.923 --> 00:25:15.854
He picked up a glass of wine, took a taste and said, Oh, I love this wine because it came out of a bottle of opus one, which is really expensive.

00:25:16.163 --> 00:25:18.144
And that's what he expected.

00:25:18.894 --> 00:25:24.888
And we all started laughing at him and he took a second sip and he's this isn't opus one.

00:25:25.499 --> 00:25:28.259
And we were, we knew what the host had done.

00:25:28.269 --> 00:25:36.538
He had poured two buck chuck a very inexpensive wine into the bottle because his friend was late and he wanted to play a joke on him.

00:25:37.058 --> 00:25:40.939
That wine didn't, that wine did not change.

00:25:41.148 --> 00:25:41.588
Yeah.

00:25:41.929 --> 00:25:43.618
Nothing changed with that wine.

00:25:43.778 --> 00:25:44.989
His perception did.

00:25:45.138 --> 00:25:45.419
Yeah.

00:25:45.419 --> 00:25:48.568
Because he experienced what he expected.

00:25:49.338 --> 00:25:52.648
So understanding that we experience what we expect.

00:25:53.388 --> 00:25:58.868
Can help us to go, what am I expecting and what is really going on?

00:25:58.909 --> 00:26:03.459
Is there more to this glass of wine than meets the eye?

00:26:04.838 --> 00:26:05.499
That's funny.

00:26:05.548 --> 00:26:08.538
I'm not a wine guy, but I do know of Opus One.

00:26:09.239 --> 00:26:09.479
Yeah.

00:26:09.479 --> 00:26:11.923
And I'm sure you know of Trader Joe's 2.

00:26:11.923 --> 00:26:12.878
Of course.

00:26:12.929 --> 00:26:14.888
That was a classy wine in college.

00:26:16.183 --> 00:26:16.903
Exactly.

00:26:17.273 --> 00:26:17.534
Yeah.

00:26:17.534 --> 00:26:18.834
That's why I laughed earlier.

00:26:18.834 --> 00:26:23.913
You elicited some emotions and from my college days when I heard of Tupac Chuck.

00:26:24.394 --> 00:26:24.804
Yes.

00:26:24.864 --> 00:26:25.203
Yes.

00:26:25.203 --> 00:26:25.653
Yeah.

00:26:25.693 --> 00:26:31.854
And you're bringing up an important point is that with every memory, because it's a combination of.

00:26:32.243 --> 00:26:34.114
Perceptive inputs, right?

00:26:34.374 --> 00:26:34.624
Yeah.

00:26:34.673 --> 00:26:39.183
Every memory is that and because emotions are perceptions.

00:26:39.453 --> 00:26:39.713
Yeah.

00:26:39.753 --> 00:26:41.443
They're tied up into every memory.

00:26:41.733 --> 00:26:42.094
Yeah.

00:26:42.653 --> 00:26:47.594
And when you think about it, every memory is used to create our thoughts.

00:26:47.753 --> 00:26:53.743
So this is why thoughts are driven more by our emotions than our emotions drive our thoughts.

00:26:53.743 --> 00:26:54.213
Sure.

00:26:54.493 --> 00:26:56.894
Thoughts are thoughts, drive our emotions.

00:26:56.933 --> 00:26:59.364
Thoughts can change your emotion, but.

00:26:59.659 --> 00:27:03.459
Your initial thoughts are primarily driven by emotion.

00:27:04.219 --> 00:27:04.818
Interesting.

00:27:05.348 --> 00:27:18.088
I'm synthesizing what you're saying, and I, going back to the example of the flavors, I think of it like if you have a good palate, developed palate, like a sommelier with wine, right?

00:27:18.088 --> 00:27:23.189
I don't have that for wine, but other things I do, they can extract all the flavors in that, right?

00:27:23.189 --> 00:27:28.243
And just and distinguish, and so they will never be fooled, no matter what the bottle is, right?

00:27:28.294 --> 00:27:36.723
Between an Opus One, I shouldn't say never, that's a strong, they can get them wrong, but it takes a lot of work to get that kind of a palette.

00:27:36.773 --> 00:27:39.134
But let's just say that they get them right.

00:27:39.134 --> 00:27:46.634
Like these master Psalms, when they taste wine they know where it was, what year, they really work it.

00:27:47.064 --> 00:27:47.374
Yeah.

00:27:47.403 --> 00:27:48.064
It's amazing.

00:27:48.463 --> 00:27:58.104
And so I, as I'm hearing you say, he's I'm understanding it is that way where you can almost extract every emotion out of a thought.

00:27:59.084 --> 00:28:00.203
Am I getting this right?

00:28:00.233 --> 00:28:09.584
And then, or correct me if I'm wrong, and then you can, if you really understand, then you can start to work on that post, that part, that emotion or what have you to get it right.

00:28:09.604 --> 00:28:11.604
Is that synthesis?

00:28:11.604 --> 00:28:13.644
So think of it this way.

00:28:14.243 --> 00:28:14.574
Okay.

00:28:14.723 --> 00:28:19.314
If you were to pick up a red, a glass of red wine.

00:28:19.798 --> 00:28:20.108
Okay.

00:28:20.179 --> 00:28:28.169
And you thought that all wines were Cabernet, and you couldn't distinguish the difference between a Cabernet and Merlot, you might just say, Oh, this tastes like red wine.

00:28:28.388 --> 00:28:28.689
Sure.

00:28:28.739 --> 00:28:34.088
When you learn how to distinguish between the different varietals, then you can do that.

00:28:34.479 --> 00:28:39.368
And then when you learn how to distinguish between regions, you could do that.

00:28:39.429 --> 00:28:40.499
So that's just wine.

00:28:40.778 --> 00:28:46.868
But let's just take something simple that people, everybody can relate to that, that eats ice cream.

00:28:46.868 --> 00:28:53.409
So ice cream is, I'd say, a fairly popular they say vanilla is still the most popular in the country.

00:28:54.729 --> 00:28:57.578
The three tubs of vanilla ice cream.

00:28:58.128 --> 00:29:09.969
You can have one that is very rich and full of quality cream and just, is just really a quality type of flavors.

00:29:10.288 --> 00:29:17.499
You can have the exact same ingredients, but they used more sugar or they had a little bit less salt, or it's a little bit more icy.

00:29:17.509 --> 00:29:20.278
And another one has a lot more vanilla.

00:29:20.999 --> 00:29:23.278
They're all the same, but slightly different.

00:29:23.798 --> 00:29:34.398
And so this is what can help us, this type of distinction, even in a similar situation for something to be slightly different so that we can recognize it.

00:29:35.019 --> 00:29:39.048
For what we like and what we don't like, what we want and what we don't want.

00:29:39.469 --> 00:29:47.638
And that's the purpose of emotions is to guide us towards what we like and to lead us away from what we don't want.

00:29:48.169 --> 00:29:48.868
And it's a.

00:29:49.328 --> 00:29:54.019
tool for focus what perceptive ingredients that we're going to focus on.

00:29:54.338 --> 00:29:58.358
So fear is going to keep you very focused on the object of fear.

00:29:58.608 --> 00:30:05.888
Curiosity is going to keep you wide open and take in a lot more of the perceptive ingredients going on around you.

00:30:06.358 --> 00:30:28.253
So that's why I use food as an analogy because we can, I have more recipes for our brain to use more distinction in our emotion equals resilience equals the ability to identify them more quickly and not say, I don't know what I'm feeling as often.

00:30:28.314 --> 00:30:33.743
I think everybody's going to have a moment of, I don't know, but we could do it less often.

00:30:34.233 --> 00:30:39.413
And then this is where your intelligence skyrockets and your.

00:30:39.663 --> 00:30:41.493
You're actually your health improves.

00:30:41.604 --> 00:30:42.114
Why?

00:30:42.443 --> 00:30:58.854
Because you can distinguish between I'm feeling anxiety versus I'm feeling a little sick, or I am feeling my anxiety so I need to do something to get out of it in this moment because I've been in it for too long.

00:30:59.384 --> 00:31:03.894
Or is this really a situation that requires me to be anxious.

00:31:04.163 --> 00:31:05.703
So it's that this.

00:31:06.398 --> 00:31:11.749
A higher level of conscious awareness of our feelings is what I'm trying to drive people to.

00:31:12.368 --> 00:31:12.778
Okay.

00:31:12.929 --> 00:31:14.778
That's much clearer.

00:31:15.838 --> 00:31:16.269
Thank you.

00:31:16.769 --> 00:31:26.949
I'm wondering now how this how certain things are impacted by such, like our you talk a little bit about in, in your book, I think about critical thinking and decision making.

00:31:27.419 --> 00:31:27.818
Yes.

00:31:28.068 --> 00:31:30.398
How do these impact that?

00:31:30.898 --> 00:31:32.519
How do the emotions and such.

00:31:34.618 --> 00:31:46.058
So let's go back because these are a lot are very new concepts, I think, for a lot of people back to this whole idea of what makes up a memory.

00:31:46.729 --> 00:31:47.009
Yeah.

00:31:47.058 --> 00:31:51.489
And our memories are a combination of all of this sensory data.

00:31:52.038 --> 00:31:54.509
And They are automatically launched.

00:31:54.739 --> 00:31:55.848
Remember what I was saying?

00:31:56.019 --> 00:32:23.743
Yeah, and so with all of that are the feelings like I said the experience and the feeling and this is why We have feelings in certain situations and it can be different from someone else These memories are what we use to make decisions And so our thoughts, our actions, our behaviors are guided by our memories.

00:32:24.483 --> 00:32:34.923
And so if we have better distinction in our emotions, we're going to also have better awareness and distinction in our decisions.

00:32:35.473 --> 00:32:37.294
It goes part and parcel.

00:32:39.523 --> 00:32:44.173
Yeah, maybe I'm not asking the question, but I'm thinking about ways of making decisions.

00:32:44.888 --> 00:32:49.858
That don't involve your memories, that allow you to think beyond bigger.

00:32:50.058 --> 00:32:57.388
For example Elon Musk he is he is making decisions to take us to Mars at some point, right?

00:32:57.388 --> 00:32:58.679
That hasn't been done before.

00:32:59.009 --> 00:33:03.419
It hasn't, so he does not have any experience or memories of such.

00:33:03.788 --> 00:33:04.939
Oh, I see what you're saying.

00:33:04.939 --> 00:33:05.128
Yeah.

00:33:05.128 --> 00:33:05.398
Yeah.

00:33:05.398 --> 00:33:06.568
How do you develop?

00:33:07.068 --> 00:33:11.449
An ability to do that, to think beyond your memories and your experiences.

00:33:11.979 --> 00:33:14.259
I would say he's a very curious person, right?

00:33:14.588 --> 00:33:14.909
Okay.

00:33:14.919 --> 00:33:17.249
He's not inhibiting his thought pattern.

00:33:17.249 --> 00:33:21.509
So we're talking here about imagination and being creative.

00:33:22.808 --> 00:33:23.278
Yeah.

00:33:23.519 --> 00:33:26.469
So he's not inhibited by a fear.

00:33:26.469 --> 00:33:31.189
So I would say this man is fearless.

00:33:31.199 --> 00:33:34.269
So he's using his curiosity.

00:33:34.818 --> 00:33:37.659
To try and imagine a different future.

00:33:38.078 --> 00:33:38.358
Sure.

00:33:38.398 --> 00:33:45.858
And so this is where we use our curiosity to imagine our future that we want to have.

00:33:46.278 --> 00:33:51.788
So we, every day we can make a decision to say, I want to have this in my life.

00:33:51.959 --> 00:33:53.538
I want to do this in my life.

00:33:53.818 --> 00:34:00.128
And so making those kinds of decisions can influence our future emotions.

00:34:00.634 --> 00:34:00.973
Yeah.

00:34:01.523 --> 00:34:06.773
Yeah it's developing curiosity and not letting fear be the ruler of the day.

00:34:06.993 --> 00:34:12.034
What, if you want to dampen any part of your life, just live in fear.

00:34:12.324 --> 00:34:12.653
Sure.

00:34:13.023 --> 00:34:13.384
Okay.

00:34:13.574 --> 00:34:14.384
No, that was great.

00:34:14.443 --> 00:34:24.403
I was thinking about the practical way of changing those patterns and maybe we can even go back to that and I think that I had some questions around self sabotage as well.

00:34:24.423 --> 00:34:27.534
But before we get into it, I guess I was just wondering.

00:34:28.289 --> 00:34:37.969
I understand the emotions in the history, the experiences, the memories, how they lead into our decisions now and all that, but how do we change that?

00:34:38.018 --> 00:34:43.568
And so we can break those patterns of self sabotage, which I was going to ask about next.

00:34:43.728 --> 00:34:46.018
If, I don't know if you talk about that in your book or not.

00:34:46.518 --> 00:34:55.088
I think they go I guess I would like to use what you're teaching to maybe help prevent that because I think it, that's where it becomes practical, right?

00:34:55.088 --> 00:34:55.559
Yes.

00:34:55.978 --> 00:34:57.958
And this is going back to fear, right?

00:34:57.978 --> 00:35:00.208
Because what to you is self sabotage?

00:35:00.708 --> 00:35:12.378
When you start doing the same things that cause your, you to limit yourself over and over or cause the same issues you've been into before, say an abusive relationship, right?

00:35:12.378 --> 00:35:13.298
I see it a lot.

00:35:13.329 --> 00:35:24.173
I've seen it with my siblings, they seem to get themselves over and over in a abusive relationship or drug addicts that just go back to using drugs or, whatever just.

00:35:24.514 --> 00:35:28.003
They get somewhere, they have an opportunity to get out, but yet they sabotage it.

00:35:29.574 --> 00:35:29.943
Yeah.

00:35:30.264 --> 00:35:31.193
Because what are we doing?

00:35:31.204 --> 00:35:37.994
We're going back to the comfortable, even if it's unpleasant, it's comfortable because we know it.

00:35:38.603 --> 00:35:43.414
And it's that fear of change, that fear of change.

00:35:43.889 --> 00:35:48.018
Of what's ahead, that what we think could be ahead.

00:35:48.539 --> 00:35:50.059
And that holds us back.

00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:52.528
I'd like to share this story.

00:35:52.889 --> 00:35:55.809
It's an old Buddhist, Buddhism story.

00:35:56.179 --> 00:36:05.068
It's about a Buddhist monk who's walking down a country path and ahead, he spies something long and curved and thin.

00:36:05.289 --> 00:36:07.268
And immediately he's like snake.

00:36:07.744 --> 00:36:18.614
It's a snake and he needs to get, move forward in order to get home, to eat and sleep and all this other stuff before it gets dark.

00:36:19.344 --> 00:36:24.994
And his fear is stopping him from moving forward because there's a snake.

00:36:26.324 --> 00:36:27.204
Eventually.

00:36:27.588 --> 00:36:33.159
He's going through all of these things in his head if he goes back, it's going to take him a long ways to get home.

00:36:33.168 --> 00:36:34.188
It would take much longer.

00:36:34.188 --> 00:36:35.099
It's going to be dark.

00:36:35.418 --> 00:36:41.998
So he makes a makeshift torch, goes towards the snake, I guess to burn it or get it to move.

00:36:42.759 --> 00:36:44.219
And he sees it's a rope.

00:36:46.478 --> 00:36:51.298
And all this time, his fear kept him from moving forward because.

00:36:51.804 --> 00:37:00.373
It wasn't until he cautiously moved towards it that he was able to see, it wasn't what he had expected it to be.

00:37:01.554 --> 00:37:09.474
If he had been a snake, raised in a family of snake handlers, or knew about snakes, he probably would have seen pretty quickly.

00:37:09.764 --> 00:37:14.704
But his brain predicted a snake and, because he didn't expect a piece of rope.

00:37:15.974 --> 00:37:20.233
That fear kept him back, but it was the cautious actions.

00:37:20.853 --> 00:37:22.014
that helped him.

00:37:22.393 --> 00:37:28.543
And so now once the story is that once a snake is a rope, it can never be a snake again.

00:37:30.414 --> 00:37:43.974
Our fear of having other experiences in life, creating other ways of being can keep us back just like that rope kept that Buddhist monk from getting home.

00:37:44.494 --> 00:37:50.454
And if you think about home as being a better life of being comfort of being.

00:37:52.039 --> 00:38:05.838
And gosh, just the life that you want to live, staying in that spot or going the long way to, or maybe not even get there.

00:38:05.838 --> 00:38:12.778
You just sit there could is just like letting our fear of something that we just don't know.

00:38:13.079 --> 00:38:16.458
And remember fears in the dictionary are real or imagined.

00:38:16.748 --> 00:38:20.498
And the majority of our fears are imagined.

00:38:21.239 --> 00:38:23.199
And so investigating.

00:38:23.733 --> 00:38:26.523
If we really should be afraid is caution.

00:38:27.173 --> 00:38:37.333
So if we can go from fear to cautious to curious, once we get curious, that's when we get those moments of inspiration.

00:38:37.634 --> 00:38:41.063
That's when we get those moments of clarity.

00:38:41.373 --> 00:38:46.063
That's when we get those moments of Elon Musk's visions.

00:38:46.304 --> 00:38:47.943
Because he doesn't live in fear.

00:38:50.318 --> 00:38:51.938
That was really powerful.

00:38:51.989 --> 00:38:57.728
Can you see those steps again, going from fear to cause, to caution, to curiosity.

00:38:57.728 --> 00:38:58.798
Curious, yeah.

00:38:58.829 --> 00:39:00.778
Yeah, that, that's awesome.

00:39:00.809 --> 00:39:03.818
And I think anybody who, we've all experienced that, right?

00:39:03.818 --> 00:39:09.648
We've all confronted that snake at some point and and been afraid and we've decided whether we're going to keep going or not.

00:39:09.679 --> 00:39:14.478
And and we've all, at some point in our lives, I think have kept going and realized it was just a rope.

00:39:14.478 --> 00:39:14.608
Yeah.

00:39:14.909 --> 00:39:20.789
We can look back and laugh or we can look back and just realize, hey, it changed our lives and probably for the better, right?

00:39:20.789 --> 00:39:21.028
Yeah.

00:39:21.088 --> 00:39:22.679
Once we just took that step.

00:39:22.829 --> 00:39:24.369
Yeah, exactly.

00:39:24.548 --> 00:39:38.284
And I, in my core, I feel that we are here to have these experiences, to live our best life, to discover who we are and that is what we want or what we don't want.

00:39:38.733 --> 00:39:38.824
Yes.

00:39:38.853 --> 00:39:43.034
And when we understand how that impacts the brain.

00:39:43.998 --> 00:39:52.048
then we are able to create the life that we want and not let fear rule us.

00:39:52.409 --> 00:40:07.119
And I say this on pretty much every podcast, fear is a tool that has been used by the powerful and that power could be religion, that power could be political, that power could be parental.

00:40:07.378 --> 00:40:08.588
It doesn't matter.

00:40:08.588 --> 00:40:10.228
It's even friends.

00:40:11.208 --> 00:40:15.858
When we give into fear, We give in to others.

00:40:16.543 --> 00:40:21.804
And so sometimes that fear is warranted and they're trying to protect us.

00:40:22.244 --> 00:40:24.744
Other times it's a control mechanism.

00:40:25.164 --> 00:40:35.168
And I, you can ask my husband who loves me, but he knows that I'm I'm not gonna I'm stubborn and I've got to figure it out for myself.

00:40:35.208 --> 00:40:52.239
I got to see, I got to know I need to experience things for myself to understand because I just don't buy into everything that's fed to me and I say that literally because every day we're given opportunities, other people's recipes.

00:40:52.724 --> 00:40:53.193
Yes.

00:40:53.403 --> 00:40:57.293
If we don't taste them, we're, we might be just eating garbage.

00:40:57.594 --> 00:40:57.954
That's right.

00:40:57.983 --> 00:40:58.664
Emotionally.

00:40:59.003 --> 00:40:59.393
Yeah.

00:40:59.914 --> 00:41:08.804
This is something that's been on my mind a ton lately especially as we enter, a presidential election, which is when you really start to see it at its worst, right?

00:41:08.844 --> 00:41:16.724
And I took about four years ago when, we had our last election, I went to bed and I thought the election was going to end up one way.

00:41:17.123 --> 00:41:22.534
And I went to bed and just put on my Facebook page congratulations to the victor.

00:41:23.393 --> 00:41:27.434
And I woke up in the morning, and he was not the victor, it was somebody else.

00:41:27.733 --> 00:41:30.983
And so you can imagine who the players are here, but it's irrelevant.

00:41:31.224 --> 00:41:38.054
The point is, I woke up, and I remember in another chat, a good friend saying, Hey, Louie, you're getting murdered for your post and all this stuff.

00:41:38.443 --> 00:41:39.454
And I'm like, what?

00:41:39.454 --> 00:41:41.994
And I see I had never gotten so many replies in my life.

00:41:42.233 --> 00:41:42.954
Hundreds.

00:41:43.063 --> 00:41:44.123
I'm not an influencer.

00:41:44.978 --> 00:41:48.329
So I just, all of a sudden, you're not an influencer yet.

00:41:48.389 --> 00:41:48.809
Thank you.

00:41:49.009 --> 00:41:50.909
So I'd never experienced that.

00:41:50.909 --> 00:41:54.559
And people who I thought were my friends started bashing me.

00:41:54.559 --> 00:41:56.929
They thought I took a position and it wasn't a position.

00:41:56.949 --> 00:41:58.688
I just, I do that all the time.

00:41:58.699 --> 00:42:00.239
Whoever wins, I congratulate them.

00:42:00.248 --> 00:42:01.608
They deserve to be, they won.

00:42:01.858 --> 00:42:05.759
And so I, and I thought going to bed that one of them won and and it wasn't the case.

00:42:05.818 --> 00:42:07.548
But it showed me a lot.

00:42:07.548 --> 00:42:16.679
I, the last four years I spent studying like both sides so much, like I've gotten into what are their media that they use, right?

00:42:16.728 --> 00:42:21.938
We hear about one area having control of the media, but there's so much different media out there right now.

00:42:21.938 --> 00:42:23.378
And they all lean one way or the other.

00:42:23.679 --> 00:42:28.969
And if you start to look at it all, you start to realize that they're both doing the exact same thing.

00:42:29.329 --> 00:42:34.648
And they're just preying on the fears of one and, of somebody to Make sure you don't vote the other way.

00:42:34.648 --> 00:42:35.708
And it's crazy.

00:42:35.938 --> 00:42:37.938
And now with social media, you can use that.

00:42:37.949 --> 00:42:59.028
You can really Use that technology to set certain algorithms and such that feeds that bias that we have in those fears that we have even more So right so it's so much more important than ever to Figure out how to look at the other side and the sources of the other side and also how to break away from all of that to have independent thoughts.

00:42:59.039 --> 00:43:03.418
And more and more, this podcast is becoming that for me, right?

00:43:03.458 --> 00:43:15.994
I'm, I am meeting new people like yourself who are exposing me to new concepts and ideas that are expanding my mind beyond what I'm getting fed by Facebook or Instagram or whatever, TikTok or, whatever social media is out there, which is great.

00:43:16.423 --> 00:43:22.704
I'm in a real quandary because I need to use social media to promote my podcast.

00:43:22.733 --> 00:43:25.123
I need it to promote my book.

00:43:25.434 --> 00:43:29.134
But I don't really engage much in it.

00:43:29.568 --> 00:43:31.809
Because I'm not a huge fan.

00:43:32.168 --> 00:43:36.869
And so I, it is a true quandary and I agree with you.

00:43:37.108 --> 00:43:43.148
I actually found a news station called News Nation and it's about the most middle of the road.

00:43:43.179 --> 00:43:50.588
In fact, my dad's been watching it now cause he got so disgusted with the extremes on some of the other ones.

00:43:51.068 --> 00:43:53.824
But I do seek out more neutral.

00:43:54.034 --> 00:43:55.414
I want to hear both sides.

00:43:55.474 --> 00:43:56.614
Truly both sides.

00:43:56.923 --> 00:44:02.184
Not this whole BS both sides where they're trying to tell you that.

00:44:02.594 --> 00:44:06.804
It's important to hear it, and it's important to look at context.

00:44:07.034 --> 00:44:07.414
That's right.

00:44:07.623 --> 00:44:09.873
That is one of the biggest things.

00:44:09.903 --> 00:44:12.614
And what is context giving you?

00:44:14.733 --> 00:44:15.994
That more perception.

00:44:16.054 --> 00:44:17.994
More perceptive ingredients.

00:44:18.353 --> 00:44:37.474
That's when I talk about like seeking out the, more information is just giving you more to use for the future to make better decisions and and determine how you feel about something, someone only comes with more information.

00:44:37.804 --> 00:44:38.193
That's right.

00:44:39.518 --> 00:44:46.119
Yeah, no, that's just a little side note talking about more information and context.

00:44:47.259 --> 00:44:54.239
There's a man who was Boy, he was super handsome, very intelligent.

00:44:54.309 --> 00:44:57.329
He worked for a suicide hotline.

00:44:59.278 --> 00:45:05.559
And he also was an intern with the governor of a state and was just everybody thought.

00:45:05.724 --> 00:45:07.934
What a charming, wonderful man.

00:45:08.384 --> 00:45:11.563
And you would think wouldn't you want to be friends with someone who's like that?

00:45:12.063 --> 00:45:16.824
Most people wouldn't mind having coffee with someone who's charming, intelligent and all of these great things.

00:45:16.824 --> 00:45:18.003
And look at what he did.

00:45:18.003 --> 00:45:22.264
He was credited with saving lives with his volunteerism.

00:45:22.764 --> 00:45:24.313
His name was Ted Bundy.

00:45:24.454 --> 00:45:26.634
He killed hundreds of women.

00:45:27.293 --> 00:45:27.684
Wow.

00:45:27.693 --> 00:45:31.603
So when I tell you context matters, it does.

00:45:31.903 --> 00:45:39.713
It doesn't negate his good acts, but it gives you a clear picture of what he is.

00:45:39.943 --> 00:45:40.963
And certainly.

00:45:40.963 --> 00:45:40.978
Certainly.

00:45:41.378 --> 00:45:44.268
You don't want to have coffee, especially if you're a young woman.

00:45:45.268 --> 00:45:45.739
That's right.

00:45:46.838 --> 00:45:47.528
Wow.

00:45:47.648 --> 00:45:48.148
Wow.

00:45:48.469 --> 00:45:48.818
Yeah.

00:45:49.088 --> 00:45:50.028
That's really eye opening.

00:45:50.528 --> 00:45:52.298
Kim, this is, this has been great.

00:45:52.318 --> 00:45:56.059
This is one of those conversations that's going to have me thinking for days.

00:45:56.438 --> 00:45:57.579
I really appreciate it.

00:45:57.639 --> 00:45:58.068
Yeah.

00:45:58.478 --> 00:46:00.668
But on that note, I know your time is valuable.

00:46:00.809 --> 00:46:03.878
So why don't we switch over to our Wayfinder 4?

00:46:03.878 --> 00:46:04.599
Are you ready?

00:46:04.668 --> 00:46:05.068
All right.

00:46:05.559 --> 00:46:05.798
Yes.

00:46:05.798 --> 00:46:06.059
All right.

00:46:06.608 --> 00:46:09.389
So one of them, the first one is a hack.

00:46:09.429 --> 00:46:16.469
This is just something that you use every day or regularly in life to just be productive and cheat life with.

00:46:17.849 --> 00:46:18.039
Yeah.

00:46:18.039 --> 00:46:23.079
I, when I have a big feeling, I stop and notice it, what's going on.

00:46:24.108 --> 00:46:30.509
And I, that's just my habit and that that, that helps me out.

00:46:30.969 --> 00:46:47.148
I, it might be a lot of information, but I'm like in between some hormone replacement therapy and I feel a huge difference in just the quality of my thoughts and how my brain is working and my mood.

00:46:47.489 --> 00:46:50.963
And so when I get like angry, I'm like, Boom.

00:46:50.994 --> 00:46:52.583
I'm like, okay, what is this about?

00:46:52.594 --> 00:46:53.594
What's going on?

00:46:54.184 --> 00:46:56.153
Is this how I feel right now?

00:46:56.153 --> 00:47:00.014
Because I'm not feeling good or is this because I really am mad at my husband?

00:47:00.474 --> 00:47:14.134
And those are things that I do and it doesn't take long, but it does take connecting to those feelings, which I talk about in my book, by the way, of how to get better at it.

00:47:14.978 --> 00:47:15.378
Excellent.

00:47:15.878 --> 00:47:20.188
It's also just a great practice to have just to shows a lot of emotional intent.

00:47:20.228 --> 00:47:22.259
And I'm, I'm a hot blooded Latino.

00:47:22.259 --> 00:47:29.978
So it's I haven't practiced what I'm, what you're preaching right now, just taking a step back before where we do get to.

00:47:30.378 --> 00:47:33.869
Especially hot blooded and angry is it's just always a good thing.

00:47:33.869 --> 00:47:36.099
So any feet but we should do that with any feeling, right?

00:47:36.599 --> 00:47:40.139
Yeah, when i'm hungry i'm noticing am I hungry or is it something else?

00:47:40.139 --> 00:48:10.523
It's just such a habit for me Okay that I don't think about it is it's not like I'm consciously thinking like I need to do this It's just a habit and that's the whole point of the book is to make this a habit so that you're more consciously aware the brain just likes to live in a subconscious active world because it's energy efficient so It's not every feeling, but some of the bigger ones for sure.

00:48:11.284 --> 00:48:17.393
The ones that I know that are impacting me, like the ones that are deemed negative.

00:48:17.664 --> 00:48:21.534
I like to say that emotions are both positive and negative.

00:48:21.603 --> 00:48:24.193
It's the out, emotions aren't positive or negative.

00:48:24.353 --> 00:48:25.954
It's the outcomes that are.

00:48:26.264 --> 00:48:28.483
So you can be in love and have negative outcomes.

00:48:28.724 --> 00:48:29.193
Excellent.

00:48:29.474 --> 00:48:30.634
What about a favorite?

00:48:31.103 --> 00:48:36.974
This could be a book, movie, habit, routine activity, show.

00:48:37.344 --> 00:48:47.333
Right now, my favorite part of the day is sitting in our backyard, because my husband and I have four kids.

00:48:47.914 --> 00:48:49.844
put together quite a lovely backyard.

00:48:49.844 --> 00:48:58.873
We've got a fountain, the water, we have hummingbirds that come, and I call it happy hour, as sunset's happening, they come and feed.

00:48:59.114 --> 00:49:10.193
We have our dogs, and we just sit in this, in our backyard, enjoying nature, each other catching up on the day, and sharing some food, and maybe some wine.

00:49:10.684 --> 00:49:17.864
And it's just A nice moment when I am connected to, the people and things that I love.

00:49:18.403 --> 00:49:24.733
And anytime I'm in, in that situation it's just feels really good.

00:49:24.753 --> 00:49:27.434
So that's my favorite time of the day.

00:49:28.233 --> 00:49:28.643
I love it.

00:49:29.523 --> 00:49:32.304
What about a piece of advice for you younger self?

00:49:32.304 --> 00:49:35.594
Curious, be more curious, be less afraid.

00:49:35.704 --> 00:49:37.384
I can't emphasize that enough.

00:49:37.884 --> 00:49:44.864
That, that is an important quality to cultivate and to have compassion for myself.

00:49:44.978 --> 00:49:46.768
It's okay to make mistakes.

00:49:46.798 --> 00:49:49.728
I was perfectionist, I'm still a work in progress.

00:49:50.119 --> 00:50:04.849
So having love and compassion for yourself is probably one of the greatest gifts you can have because you can't really have true compassion or love for other people the fullest kind until you love yourself.

00:50:05.548 --> 00:50:05.878
Yeah.

00:50:06.579 --> 00:50:06.889
I love that.

00:50:06.889 --> 00:50:08.059
The piece about.

00:50:08.454 --> 00:50:09.974
Being okay with making mistakes.

00:50:09.974 --> 00:50:16.423
My, my wife lately has been bringing up the concept of being messy, being okay with being messy.

00:50:16.884 --> 00:50:18.813
And I love the way she puts that.

00:50:19.094 --> 00:50:26.389
I never heard it, but the I think once we accept that you can get a lot more done, really move forward a lot more.

00:50:26.818 --> 00:50:38.208
Yes, if we're more worried about the keeping the house clean than interacting with other people, then that's a sign that you're a little disconnected.

00:50:38.949 --> 00:50:39.329
That's right.

00:50:39.829 --> 00:50:41.849
You will never have to worry about that in our house.

00:50:42.139 --> 00:50:43.188
It's never clean.

00:50:44.989 --> 00:50:49.949
So what about a big opportunity maybe that you're pursuing or you see out there in the world?

00:50:50.498 --> 00:50:54.869
I am working on becoming a famous.

00:50:55.264 --> 00:50:58.873
international, internationally renowned speaker.

00:50:59.474 --> 00:51:03.463
I want to talk about this to the world.

00:51:03.733 --> 00:51:06.114
I feel like this is easy.

00:51:06.114 --> 00:51:10.514
It's easy for kids because kids taste, they can learn all this stuff.

00:51:10.514 --> 00:51:11.403
They eat food.

00:51:11.403 --> 00:51:12.364
They know what they like.

00:51:12.364 --> 00:51:13.594
They know what they don't like.

00:51:13.934 --> 00:51:19.074
And to transfer that to the rest of life, I feel is so important.

00:51:19.713 --> 00:51:23.798
And emotionally, More of us are shut down than not.

00:51:24.298 --> 00:51:26.588
More of us live in fear than not.

00:51:26.838 --> 00:51:29.659
And that's why I want to get out and talk about it.

00:51:29.829 --> 00:51:31.599
That's why I want to have my podcast.

00:51:31.898 --> 00:51:37.849
Eventually, I want to I'm actually working on putting my book on YouTube.

00:51:38.153 --> 00:51:45.943
As an audio and, building up groups and trying to do, that, that kind of thing just to help people.

00:51:46.793 --> 00:51:48.914
I don't want them to depend on me.

00:51:49.273 --> 00:51:51.193
I want them to depend on themselves.

00:51:51.514 --> 00:51:57.244
I want them to feel like they've got the tools and they just need to keep working them and refining them.

00:51:57.244 --> 00:51:58.693
And I'm just there to support them.

00:51:59.489 --> 00:52:00.039
I love that.

00:52:00.199 --> 00:52:05.199
I think we're both aligned with that and in a big driving force for the Wayfinder show is that as well.

00:52:05.318 --> 00:52:09.898
Kim, thank you for all the work you do and all the wisdom you brought to our show and our listeners.

00:52:10.289 --> 00:52:13.619
If people want to know a little bit more about you, how can they go about doing so?

00:52:14.568 --> 00:52:22.369
You can listen to Flavors of Emotion, my new podcast and you can also go to my website, kimcordy.

00:52:22.398 --> 00:52:22.838
com.

00:52:24.278 --> 00:52:26.708
You can reach out to me with questions.

00:52:27.259 --> 00:52:27.679
I.

00:52:28.483 --> 00:52:32.014
Talk about a real fun exercise in my book.

00:52:32.434 --> 00:52:37.833
And I say it's fun, but it's a way for you to uncover and get to know what your recipes are.

00:52:38.264 --> 00:52:44.983
So if you're interested in doing some work like that, you can reach out to me, but I'm not a coach.

00:52:45.724 --> 00:52:46.353
You know what I mean?

00:52:46.364 --> 00:52:51.344
Like I'm not the type of person I'm more of a strategist, so I don't.

00:52:51.864 --> 00:53:03.514
I don't believe in for me as a person and having like long drawn out coaching relationships, it's more let's here, do this and I'll see you in four months.

00:53:03.514 --> 00:53:14.353
Like you, if you practice something and just practice it and practice it and you get everything you need in the book and I think that it's just practicing and being not afraid to practice.

00:53:15.333 --> 00:53:15.634
Yeah.

00:53:15.634 --> 00:53:16.594
And being curious about it.

00:53:16.594 --> 00:53:16.643
Absolutely.

00:53:17.193 --> 00:53:17.793
You got it.

00:53:17.934 --> 00:53:18.634
I'm getting it.

00:53:18.634 --> 00:53:18.864
Yeah.

00:53:18.864 --> 00:53:20.094
You've very effective.

00:53:20.824 --> 00:53:21.514
It's sticking.

00:53:21.833 --> 00:53:22.503
Thank you, Kim.

00:53:22.503 --> 00:53:23.693
This has been a lot of fun.

00:53:23.744 --> 00:53:24.923
Incredibly insightful.

00:53:25.153 --> 00:53:29.474
I think our listeners are going to get a ton out of this and I hope they go check you out on kimcordy.

00:53:29.474 --> 00:53:33.304
com or the flavors of emotion, a podcast.

00:53:34.043 --> 00:53:35.293
Or check out your book as well.

00:53:35.393 --> 00:53:36.704
I think you have a lot to offer.

00:53:36.923 --> 00:53:37.224
Yeah.

00:53:37.273 --> 00:53:38.094
And that's on Amazon.

00:53:38.094 --> 00:53:39.813
We'll put the links in the show notes for everybody.

00:53:39.813 --> 00:53:40.353
Thanks.

00:53:40.443 --> 00:53:40.914
Thank you.

00:53:40.914 --> 00:53:42.213
This was a great interview.

00:53:42.244 --> 00:53:43.914
I really enjoyed it.

00:53:44.333 --> 00:53:44.653
Yeah.

00:53:44.724 --> 00:53:45.563
Thank you very much.

00:53:50.864 --> 00:53:52.623
We hope you've enjoyed The Wayfinder Show.

00:53:52.773 --> 00:53:56.994
If you got value from this episode, please take a few seconds to leave us a 5 star rating and review.

00:53:57.284 --> 00:54:01.534
This will allow us to help more people find their way to live more authentic and exciting lives.

00:54:02.193 --> 00:54:03.494
We'll catch you on the next episode.