Life Without A Tie with Ray Martin
Life Without A Tie with Ray Martin
The Wayfinder Show
Send us a text In this episode of The Wayfinder Show, host Luis Hernandez interviews Ray Martin, also known as the Daily Explorer, an entre…
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Dec. 3, 2024

Life Without A Tie with Ray Martin

Life Without A Tie with Ray Martin
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Life Without A Tie with Ray Martin
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In this episode of The Wayfinder Show, host Luis Hernandez interviews Ray Martin, also known as the Daily Explorer, an entrepreneur, coach, mentor, and mindfulness teacher from Glastonbury, England. Ray discusses his remarkable journey of transformation from a successful CEO to a backpacker and mindfulness advocate, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, taking ownership, intentional relationships, and living a life aligned with one's values. The conversation touches on meditation practices, the significance of inner happiness, and Ray's six rules for happiness. The episode also highlights Ray's mission to empower others to live authentically and his efforts to connect with audiences in the United States. Ray's insights offer actionable advice for those seeking to navigate major life transitions and pursue a more fulfilling and authentic path.

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Host Information:

Luis Hernandez: Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter

email: thewayfindershow@gmail.com

We want to give a huge shout out to our friend, Jast Collum at 756 Productions, for creating our intro and outro music. This guy is a beast.

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Transcript
WEBVTT

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Deep happiness comes from empowering others to rise to their greatest potential.

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You can't be deeply content if your whole world just revolves around yourself.

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It's impossible whether it's one person or a million people, it doesn't matter, but it's about sharing.

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It's about encouraging, passing on, improving the world you're living in is part journey.

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Welcome to The Wayfinder Show with Luis Hernandez, where guests discuss the why and how of making changes that led them down a more authentic path or allow them to level up in some area of their life.

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Our goal is to dig deep and provide not only knowledge, but actionable advice to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

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Come join us and find the way to your dream life.

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Welcome back to the Wayfinder show.

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I'm your host, Luis Hernandez.

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And today we're here with Ray Martin from Glastonbury, England.

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Ray is also known as the Daily Explorer.

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He's an entrepreneur and award winning business leader.

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He's a coach, a mentor, a facilitator, speaker, writer, and mindfulness teacher.

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He is also a torchbearer for a great human consciousness and has run marathons and is a fundraiser.

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He's on a mission to empower people to live authentically and to bring more joy and happiness to the world.

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Ray, welcome to the Wayfinder show.

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Lewis, it's a pleasure and it's lovely to meet you too.

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Thank you.

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So, you know, with all of that in mind, my listeners know that I am a fanatic about marathons.

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I am myself.

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So all we're going to do is talk about marathons now.

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Okay.

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Well, I would consider myself a complete amateur and I honestly would never have dreamed, you know, I was a younger man that I would ever run a marathon.

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I remember.

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visiting somebody in New York in 2007, and it just happened to be the weekend of the New York marathon.

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And there was a British runner in it called Paula Radcliffe, who was quite well known because she held the world record for quite a long time.

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And we watched her finish the race in Central Park.

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And it was thrilling and exciting.

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My friend Angie turned to me and said, would you ever run that?

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I said, no chance.

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But I said, but if I did.

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It would have to be the New York marathon.

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Well, that was in 2007 and then about two years later, I was looking for something I could do to raise money for a foundation.

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I started in Asia to for an elephant sanctuary in Thailand and an orphanage in Nepal.

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And I just happened to meet randomly a guy who'd run six marathons and I said, tell me about marathon running And he told me about it as he talked about it.

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I was getting goosebumps on my arms, Lewis.

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I was just feeling how exciting it would be.

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And I, I was 48 and I said to him, his name is Matt.

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I said, Matt, do you think I could run a marathon?

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Cause I could raise, I could do a fundraiser around it.

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He looked at me and he said, I'll tell you what I'll do.

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If you decide to live here where I live for six months, I'll train you how to run your first marathon and I'll coach you and everything.

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so I shook hands and I did, and 1st, November, 2009, I ran my first marathon and I got a place in the New York marathon.

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And I knew it was the right one because I put my name in the ballot, I got a place immediately.

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Wow.

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So, that was my entry and it raised 15, 000 for the elephant sanctuary for them.

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Orphanage and for a cancer research charity, and I took the money to each place and deployed it myself and got it all done.

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I wrote about this in the book that I wrote after the trip and I carried on running marathons to raise money.

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I think I ran five in total and raised about 50, 000.

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Amazing.

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Yeah.

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So it was complete, you know, it was just a novice, but we just did it to raise money really.

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I've done them for charity as well and it's, it's by far the most satisfying part of it, right?

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Doing that.

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Yeah.

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Very neat.

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And you've run a few?

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I've run a few.

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I've run 13 now.

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I'm actually just registered for the 2025 Boston Marathon again.

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Oh, okay.

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Did you need a qualifying time for that?

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I have a qualifying time.

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Yeah.

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it'll be my second time.

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What time do they make you run it?

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For my age, it's down to three 20, I believe.

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Oh wow.

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Actually, they just lowered it by another five minutes.

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Every, like, few years, so many people.

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Beat it and it keeps going down.

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Yeah.

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My first time I ran it I was trying to qualify before I turned 40.

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So at that time it was a 310 qualifier.

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Now I can pretty comfortably come in under 310.

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so now I'm 48.

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And so the, which was when you ran your first one, right.

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And, it's pretty easy for me to get a qualifier now.

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Thank God.

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I feel blessed.

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So I have run London, by the way.

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I've run all the major cities.

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Yeah, That's a

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great race.

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I think the crowd support in London is the best in the world, by far.

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People in New York might argue with me, but I challenge, people who are in the first wave to see if the crowds are out there like they are in London.

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They were out there bright and early, rowdy, and cheering us on, and it was so fun.

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I loved London.

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It was great.

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And it's a bit like the tower bridge comes round about the same distance as the New York Marathon where you cross over the bridge back onto Brooklyn, or back onto Staten Island.

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Manhattan, you know, I can't remember the name.

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Yeah,

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you're right.

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You're right.

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You're right.

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Although that was around

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about the same time.

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That tower bridge is an architectural marvel.

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When you see that, you just gasp.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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So we actually are in danger of going into a marathon geekiness, but I was actually kidding.

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I want to know more about you, right?

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you actually, I heard that you've, embarked on a backpacking journey that ended up taking 14 years.

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Yeah, I had no idea it would at the time, so I probably wouldn't have left.

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But yeah, what?

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For me, I was a CEO of a company I founded in the UK and it was always my dream as a young boy to be a, to be working in the world of business and be a respected and successful businessman.

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That was my dream, but it was kind of a lot to do with my, I think the dream that others expected of me rather than it being purely mine.

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So I worked my way through school and education to get a good job and then start my own business.

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And by the time I got to my sort of late thirties, that was well on its way and we founded a company and it was growing and doing really well.

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And I think it was in 2002.

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I was 42.

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I was given the daily telegraph business leader of the year award for being CEO of the company.

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Wow.

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So I kind of feel like I peaked at that moment, but I wasn't.

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I'm honest with myself first, I wasn't truly happy in that life.

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I felt like I was living someone else's life.

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Yeah.

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And I always had that kind of at the back of my mind.

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I never felt really at peace with it somehow.

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and I didn't quite know what that was about.

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I'll have to be honest and say, I wasn't really sure.

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I wasn't self aware enough to know.

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my business partner was my.

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Wife and we'd started the company together.

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So we were husband, wife management team, and one day she came back from a meeting and said, I'm leaving you and I'm leaving the company.

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It was really sudden I didn't see it coming.

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It was right life changing moment because it ripped a hole in the hull of the ship, you know?

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Massively.

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Yeah.

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Took speed and around about the same time, my father got very ill and he passed away.

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Within a period of about three or four months, I was ending my marriage.

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My father was being buried and I was leaving my home.

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And so everything that constituted my normal life had just imploded.

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I felt like I was sort of standing in a bomb crater, about a hundred meters wide, swiveling around at all this destruction all around me going, what has happened?

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but it also.

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Was inviting me to look much more deeply, particularly at how I defined what being successful look like or was because I'd really defined it quite narrowly.

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It was about material success, about accumulating a home and a certain amount of money in status and that sort of thing.

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And I had all those things, but I wasn't really feeling truly happy about it.

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Friends of mine who were supporting me in that difficult period said, why don't you take a sabbatical for four or five or six months?

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Why don't you just take a sabbatical and clear your mind and reflect on everything that's happened and sort of kind of have a reset really.

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And I thought this was quite a good idea because I was in my mid forties.

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And so I decided to sell my house in London and go and do six months of backpack traveling in Asia.

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I'd never been a backpacker, I'd never traveled in Asia, I'd never even taken six months off work.

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I worked since I was 16 years old and, this was great on every level.

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I set course for Thailand to start my trip, but after six months I just wasn't ready to finish because at the end of that period, I'd just done a Vipassana retreat, which is a 10 day silent meditation in a Buddhist monastery.

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I noticed that after those 10 days, the feeling of life for me changed massively because I was very scared and anxious about life before I went into the monastery, when I came out, I was very calm and had a lot of inner peace, I was very grounded.

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And I sort of discovered that being mindful was very valuable.

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And I wanted to continue to evolve my mindfulness practice that I discovered in that period of meditation.

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So I decided to stay in Asia longer and.

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Find ways I could evolve that practice a bit more.

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And then I got passionate about some things I discovered, as I was traveling like an elephant sanctuary and the orphanage I had started to raise money to support those places by running marathons and I was involved in training and fundraising for a couple of years.

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And then after that I thought, do you know what?

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I really am enjoying this life the way it's evolving, unfolding without any plan.

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Yeah.

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I'm ready to feel my way back into the business world, which the world I'd left, but I want to do it in Asia.

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I don't want to do it in a way that really feels right to my heart and my soul because I didn't want to own and operate business with all the stresses that came with that.

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I

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wanted it to be a bit more freelance.

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So I looked for freelance coaching opportunities and I managed to find one in Asia and started doing that.

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Then I got connected into business and then I.

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Found a program, mindful leadership, which I trained and certified myself as a facilitator and a coaching, which I still do today.

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And, I started to work as I was moving around and traveling because the whole idea of working online was just emerging at that time.

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It was very early on 2010, 11, but one or two companies were forging ahead with.

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Virtual coaching over Skype and over zoom.

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Zoom wasn't even out that in that year, it came out later, but Skype was working and I was using that to coach people in London.

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So, it kind of evolved from there.

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And so that's how life without a tie.

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Got born because that's the name of the book that I published when I finished, I didn't know the trip was going to take 14 years, but I just kept on following the path that my energy sent me down without thinking too much about it.

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Just whatever felt right to me.

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So I evolved my coaching practice.

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I evolved my mindfulness practice.

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I started writing a book about the journey whilst I was still in it.

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and then I met.

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A woman who lived in Poland, fell in love with her and moved to Poland in 2016, lived in Warsaw for three and a half years.

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And when our relationship came to an end after five years, I decided that was the time that it was right to go back to the UK.

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I had been 14 years away and my inner voice of wisdom was saying to me, Ray, I really want you to write your story, get the book that you've started, get it finished and get it published.

00:12:24.981 --> 00:12:37.731
It's really important to get that story out into the world to support others who may be, you know, on the verge of a major transition, who may be lost on their path or trying to find their own path.

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You can help those people, support them because of what you've learned from this, the wisdom you've gained.

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And so ever since that time, and I published in the book, I've really focused, I work as a coach and I've helped many people, you know, become extraordinary leaders or, or find what I call their own true path, because that's really for me.

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One of the things I, I'm so passionate about people finding the path that's right for them.

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That's their unique place in the world.

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I think that's really important.

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That's what I get up in the morning for.

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how would you define the right path?

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Like is there a gauge you can use for that?

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no, because the right path I think is the intersection of several parts of ourselves.

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So for example, I talk a lot with people about what's their vision for life.

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Like my brother, I've got a brother who's very different to me, but his vision was about raising a family, you know, and it was vision and purpose was very much centered around his children and raising them and putting them into the world.

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I mean, they're in their twenties and thirties now, they're not kids anymore, but that was his vision for his life to raise a fantastic family, really set his kids up well.

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I don't have children.

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Other people, it's about building some kind of enterprise or business.

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Other people, it's about, being in service to the greater good in some way.

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Other people, it's about justice or freedom or removing oppression.

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Everyone's got a very different purpose or vision for their life.

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And that's how it should be.

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we want a world that's diverse with lots of different people, musicians, actors, poets, we need all of those.

00:14:20.802 --> 00:14:34.121
So, no, I don't think there's a rule, but it's very, for me, it's critical that each person goes into their own awareness there, because I think that where we find out the truth about what's right for us.

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It's not outside.

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That's what we, that's where I think the illusion is that somehow something outside of us is going to show us or tell us, but actually it's inside, you know, it's our innate wisdom that we're, mostly disconnected from our innate wisdom.

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We're not encouraged to evolve or develop that connection to our intuition or our inner wisdom.

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And I was very fortunate in the journey that I went on.

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I met all the right teachers who helped me reconnect with that part of myself and take the connection more deeper than I'd ever had it when I was a businessman.

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And I was able to really make use of that journey in that sense.

00:15:14.701 --> 00:15:20.672
So, you know, knowing what your values are, for example, what's most important to you on a daily basis.

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Like for me, my values are freedom, integrity, love, and exploration.

00:15:28.647 --> 00:15:36.407
So when I'm thinking, when I'm presented with choices and opportunities in life, I think to myself, that's a nice opportunity there.

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Does it honor my values of freedom, love, integrity, exploration?

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Does it align with those, or does it, would it violate some of those values?

00:15:46.976 --> 00:15:49.937
Would it compromise me to do that?

00:15:49.947 --> 00:16:00.586
if it was perhaps earning quite a bit of money, but it didn't match, there was, Some outness of integrity within the situation that wouldn't sit right with me.

00:16:01.206 --> 00:16:03.976
Like I just saw today, I saw, a story in the UK.

00:16:03.976 --> 00:16:13.746
There was a major, one of the major districts of the UK, the West Midlands, they had to bring in an interim CEO to run the fire department, the fire service of the country.

00:16:14.096 --> 00:16:17.596
So they recruited an ex Royal Marine who.

00:16:17.917 --> 00:16:26.586
And those guys are really well known for their superb leadership, their integrity, their ability to rapidly get something working, which isn't working.

00:16:27.486 --> 00:16:33.336
So this guy was put in as an interim CEO for six months and did everything he could.

00:16:34.096 --> 00:16:38.246
And then he was offered the chance to become the permanent CEO, but he's, he's decided to quit.

00:16:38.667 --> 00:16:41.076
And he was interviewed in the press about why he decided to quit.

00:16:41.167 --> 00:16:42.726
And he said, it's just.

00:16:42.802 --> 00:16:47.601
The, the, the governance of this organization just doesn't match with any of my values.

00:16:48.142 --> 00:16:52.922
You know, they're, they're sort of not transparent and not courageous.

00:16:53.292 --> 00:16:57.881
They're not doing all the right things for the people who work in the organization.

00:16:58.111 --> 00:17:01.831
I can't align with this because my values are not honored here.

00:17:02.211 --> 00:17:02.971
And so I'm quitting.

00:17:03.642 --> 00:17:09.251
Everyone was like shocked to hell and half of the management team were writing to the governance committee saying.

00:17:10.021 --> 00:17:11.092
Don't let this man go.

00:17:11.122 --> 00:17:13.561
He's brilliant, but he's decided to leave.

00:17:15.612 --> 00:17:33.271
Yeah, you know, I think, That's a really interesting point the older I get the more I appreciate understanding one's values And how important that is as a crucial, And as I'm only now starting to recognize that if I can understand my own values, then I can start to make all of my decisions around that.

00:17:33.342 --> 00:17:33.741
Right.

00:17:34.112 --> 00:17:34.461
Yeah.

00:17:34.511 --> 00:17:40.461
even like where you go and have your coffee, because sure, do you want to support a small business that's.

00:17:40.957 --> 00:17:42.146
Good for the community.

00:17:42.166 --> 00:17:46.007
Or do you want to support a kind of corporate chain that's putting all those businesses out?

00:17:46.076 --> 00:17:48.557
You know, this is important.

00:17:49.376 --> 00:17:49.987
This is really important.

00:17:50.626 --> 00:17:51.086
Sure.

00:17:51.557 --> 00:17:59.527
so I'm curious as to how you would guide somebody to explore what are the values that are most important today?

00:17:59.586 --> 00:17:59.936
I think.

00:18:00.076 --> 00:18:00.497
Yeah.

00:18:00.646 --> 00:18:01.696
I mean, that's a great question.

00:18:01.767 --> 00:18:03.567
I think in the way I approach it.

00:18:05.721 --> 00:18:13.122
Helping someone discover their values is a bit like helping someone find gold that's buried in the ground, you have to start digging somewhere.

00:18:13.701 --> 00:18:15.011
So the question is, where do you dig?

00:18:15.021 --> 00:18:23.011
Well, the richest seams of data that point to our values are what I call in the peaks and troughs of our lives.

00:18:23.811 --> 00:18:26.791
So I get everyone to draw a horizontal line on the sheet of paper.

00:18:26.791 --> 00:18:27.672
That's a timeline.

00:18:27.672 --> 00:18:36.701
So if say you're 40 years old, I would say draw a horizontal line from when you're maybe 10 or 12, as far back as you can consciously remember your life.

00:18:37.801 --> 00:18:59.281
So you've got a timeline of about 20 years or 25 years, and then you take a pencil and you draw the line Of all the things, major events in your life, which had a very high peak moment or a very low trough moment, peak moments, trough moments, and you end up with a sort of wavy line like this, something like that.

00:19:00.071 --> 00:19:06.082
And then I look at those peak moments and I asked the person, why was that such a peak moment in your memory?

00:19:06.082 --> 00:19:07.291
Why does it stand out?

00:19:08.076 --> 00:19:12.376
I know you say things like, Oh, just, it's just because it was so brilliant.

00:19:12.386 --> 00:19:17.497
I was with my family and my friends, and I felt this sense of connection and care.

00:19:17.497 --> 00:19:22.156
And as they're speaking, their values are emerging because.

00:19:23.287 --> 00:19:25.076
Buried in those experiences.

00:19:25.076 --> 00:19:28.027
They're in, they're in the DNA of those experiences.

00:19:28.027 --> 00:19:36.537
That's because when we're in peak blissful moments, and when we're in the lowest possible moments where we think this is so terrible, get me out of here.

00:19:36.537 --> 00:19:37.517
I can't bear this anymore.

00:19:38.606 --> 00:19:44.467
Our values are being really honored in the peak moments, totally violated in the trough moments.

00:19:44.916 --> 00:19:46.257
That's why we use.

00:19:46.852 --> 00:20:01.132
Those two data points, because anything in the middle is not giving a strong enough signal, but the peak moments and the trough moments give the really strong signal as to why moment was so significant because either your values are honored or they're violated.

00:20:01.311 --> 00:20:02.092
Does that make sense?

00:20:02.471 --> 00:20:03.071
Yes.

00:20:03.162 --> 00:20:03.551
Yes.

00:20:03.551 --> 00:20:04.592
It makes complete sense.

00:20:04.592 --> 00:20:09.059
I've never thought about, I've never heard about this exercise for discovering our values.

00:20:09.059 --> 00:20:09.698
It's brilliant.

00:20:09.698 --> 00:20:12.569
I'm thinking through it in my head in mind.

00:20:12.569 --> 00:20:12.888
Yeah.

00:20:12.888 --> 00:20:13.846
I got it.

00:20:13.846 --> 00:20:15.442
You know, it's not my,

00:20:15.442 --> 00:20:17.356
and I, I got it from.

00:20:18.537 --> 00:20:31.346
someone I, I know wrote a book called On Purpose, and the guy, the author of that book is a guy called Steve Chamberlain, and it's, it's a super book, I mean it's, and that's got that process in it.

00:20:31.457 --> 00:20:38.297
It's got more, it's got more than that in it, but it's got that process in it, and I've used that for the last five or six years.

00:20:38.886 --> 00:20:40.826
And so once you understand those.

00:20:41.676 --> 00:20:43.737
is it possible that your values change?

00:20:45.406 --> 00:20:47.457
For me, I would say, yeah, definitely.

00:20:48.126 --> 00:20:53.856
Because when I was a young man in my thirties, I would never have included love as one of my values.

00:20:54.446 --> 00:21:02.957
I felt, driven, ambitious, and very competitive in a way, much more separate to the rest of the human race.

00:21:03.576 --> 00:21:08.217
Now, as an older man, I'm in my sixties now, I feel completely different.

00:21:08.217 --> 00:21:11.076
I've lost that burning ambition and that sense of competitiveness.

00:21:11.777 --> 00:21:18.136
I feel that my role now is to bring connection and harmony to the world.

00:21:18.146 --> 00:21:32.086
And I want to interact in a way that's much more compassionate and kind and selfless and loving, you know, and so in the last 10 years that the value of love has emerged strongly for me as being a compass orientation.

00:21:33.807 --> 00:21:35.227
and there's so much.

00:21:36.586 --> 00:21:37.656
conflict in the world.

00:21:37.707 --> 00:21:49.547
there really is increasingly more and more fragmentation and irritation between these fragments of society, it's like, we're all turning in on each other rather than loving each other.

00:21:49.547 --> 00:21:53.307
It's kind of, I, and the only way I know how to address that is to address it in myself.

00:21:53.317 --> 00:21:56.126
I'll forget the rest of the world for a minute.

00:21:56.576 --> 00:22:04.971
If I'm not loving to myself and compassionate to myself, and I'm not like that with the people around me directly, Then the world has a chance.

00:22:04.981 --> 00:22:14.021
So I, I've been, my focus of my work has been to, it's been to really embrace that and live it by example in myself, really.

00:22:14.582 --> 00:22:14.961
Yeah.

00:22:16.162 --> 00:22:21.362
And that has a ripple effect that I think ripples out and that's the way I think transformation really works is through rippling.

00:22:21.362 --> 00:22:22.741
Hmm.

00:22:23.201 --> 00:22:23.751
Interesting.

00:22:24.491 --> 00:22:25.227
So, you know.

00:22:25.656 --> 00:22:32.067
Going back to, the values, I think, I think about the, the Rotary Club, and I don't know if you're familiar with it.

00:22:32.136 --> 00:22:32.467
Yeah,

00:22:32.467 --> 00:22:35.207
I did a book talk at the Rotary Club in England, yeah.

00:22:35.446 --> 00:22:36.507
Oh, excellent, excellent.

00:22:36.626 --> 00:22:39.396
Well, you know, they had this four way test, right?

00:22:39.396 --> 00:22:41.957
They're a remarkable organization, just remarkable.

00:22:42.007 --> 00:22:44.287
And, you know, they just do a lot of good for the world.

00:22:44.287 --> 00:22:45.438
They do, they

00:22:45.438 --> 00:22:45.821
do.

00:22:46.392 --> 00:22:50.832
And one of the things they, their, their motto, whatever it is, they have this four way test.

00:22:50.832 --> 00:22:54.832
I've been a Rotarian in the past, and I can't remember the four points.

00:22:55.321 --> 00:23:02.142
But everything, it's these four questions, the test, you know, is, will it, Create goodwill.

00:23:02.392 --> 00:23:03.862
will it build better friendships?

00:23:03.862 --> 00:23:08.922
You know, these things, I can't remember them all and this is what their lens are for everything.

00:23:08.922 --> 00:23:14.001
And if you really think about that, that's their values and they have these, these questions that test their values.

00:23:14.051 --> 00:23:17.961
if the answer is, yes, it meets the values, then, you move forward.

00:23:17.961 --> 00:23:18.961
Otherwise you don't.

00:23:19.571 --> 00:23:25.152
I think that's a great way to approach any decision we make in our life now, right?

00:23:25.571 --> 00:23:36.872
uncover your values, perhaps in the method you described through the book On Purpose, and then start to figure out what are the questions, the test that you can set for that in making decisions.

00:23:37.082 --> 00:23:39.031
What do you, what do you think of that?

00:23:39.451 --> 00:23:41.291
I completely agree with you.

00:23:41.291 --> 00:23:42.122
Yeah, definitely.

00:23:42.132 --> 00:23:42.152
Yeah.

00:23:42.162 --> 00:23:49.551
I mean, self awareness is the absolute key to any life mastery.

00:23:49.672 --> 00:23:51.922
I mean, without it, you know, it's impossible.

00:23:52.211 --> 00:23:57.872
And self awareness to me includes what's my vision, what's my purpose, what are my values?

00:23:58.531 --> 00:24:04.612
When am I in my element, as Sir Ken Robinson calls it, which is, he wrote a whole book on the topic.

00:24:04.612 --> 00:24:05.392
You're a brilliant man.

00:24:05.402 --> 00:24:06.832
He died a couple of years ago, sadly.

00:24:07.321 --> 00:24:13.321
He said, You've got things you are naturally talented at what your God given talents and you're really good at stuff.

00:24:13.942 --> 00:24:21.271
And then you've got things in the world that you really care about or things in your life that you really care about and where these two things intersect.

00:24:21.926 --> 00:24:28.656
You're operating in your element because you're doing something you're really good at and something you really care about at the same time.

00:24:29.037 --> 00:24:31.287
And you could do that all day long, 24 hours a day.

00:24:31.287 --> 00:24:33.186
That brings meaning to life, to life.

00:24:34.386 --> 00:24:39.967
And so this is his, his guidance was always try and move towards being in your element more.

00:24:40.406 --> 00:24:47.156
The more you can per day, per week, per month, per year, the more you're going to have a sense of living an extraordinary life.

00:24:48.287 --> 00:24:50.467
And I completely go along with that because.

00:24:50.936 --> 00:25:09.116
For me, I was less in my element as a CEO of a, of a coaching business with lots of employees and regulation and legalities and all those things than I am as a freelance coach where I spend most of my time working with the actual clients one on one to create change.

00:25:09.396 --> 00:25:10.926
I'm much more in my element doing that.

00:25:12.926 --> 00:25:15.936
Yeah, it's a totally different job, but I'm much more in my element doing that.

00:25:17.007 --> 00:25:19.557
Well, cause you're not in the operations either, right?

00:25:19.567 --> 00:25:20.307
No, but I

00:25:20.307 --> 00:25:21.517
thought, yeah.

00:25:21.616 --> 00:25:21.957
Exactly.

00:25:21.957 --> 00:25:33.277
But I actually used to believe that I had to be in the CEO role in order to be accepted in society as a successful guy, because success was having a big title and a big house and car and all that stuff.

00:25:33.616 --> 00:25:34.007
Sure.

00:25:34.487 --> 00:25:35.307
But I hated it.

00:25:35.326 --> 00:25:35.967
I mean, I hate it.

00:25:35.967 --> 00:25:38.086
It's too strong a word, but I wasn't happy.

00:25:38.136 --> 00:25:45.707
Even though I was doing it for all those reasons, probably, but not really because it was in me and my element, it took me quite a long time.

00:25:46.027 --> 00:25:51.436
It took my life falling apart to some extent to actually start to inquire about that.

00:25:51.926 --> 00:25:54.426
Because I don't, if you know the coach Tony Robbins, have you heard of him?

00:25:54.487 --> 00:25:55.086
Of course.

00:25:55.336 --> 00:25:56.116
He's an American guy.

00:25:56.876 --> 00:25:59.636
in one of his books, I love one of his ideas.

00:25:59.636 --> 00:26:03.396
He said, the questions we ask about life is.

00:26:04.281 --> 00:26:10.251
Really important because that word is what is the quest I am on, you know, quest I on,

00:26:10.251 --> 00:26:11.731
and

00:26:12.612 --> 00:26:20.612
so the questions we're asking ourselves about our lives are the quest we are on, you know, they're not just random, they're really important.

00:26:21.011 --> 00:26:21.321
Yeah.

00:26:22.842 --> 00:26:30.041
So I would imagine after achieving that level of success as a CEO with the big home and all the things, right.

00:26:30.122 --> 00:26:36.511
And then going on a 14 year journey backpacking, where you're essentially homeless, right?

00:26:36.541 --> 00:26:37.231
I mean, I always

00:26:37.231 --> 00:26:40.491
had a place to sleep because, you know, there's lots of accommodation you can rent.

00:26:40.701 --> 00:26:46.102
Of course, but by its very nature, being home, you know, backpacking is Yeah, but no fixed loan.

00:26:46.801 --> 00:26:47.652
Right, Good point.

00:26:47.662 --> 00:26:48.172
Good point.

00:26:48.481 --> 00:26:53.682
and you also just, you know, what all you have is what's on your back, which is not all the things, right?

00:26:53.711 --> 00:26:56.977
Although it is all the things in many ways, Well, you only have to

00:26:57.007 --> 00:27:01.336
read the book by Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Milburn, who wrote the minimalist book.

00:27:01.646 --> 00:27:05.287
What they did was they packed up the entire contents of their apartments.

00:27:05.751 --> 00:27:11.422
Into boxes and put them in the hallway for a month and then actually made a log of all the items.

00:27:11.422 --> 00:27:16.801
They literally had to take out to use like the toothbrush or a saucepan or a kettle or whatever it was.

00:27:17.122 --> 00:27:22.632
Oh, they basically figured they used about two or 3 percent of all the stuff they had in their homes.

00:27:22.731 --> 00:27:27.182
And they realized, you know, that we're all totally overdosed on stuff.

00:27:27.701 --> 00:27:32.731
you think the American economy particularly is a good example of this is built on consumption.

00:27:33.211 --> 00:27:35.682
You know, consumption underpins the entire economy.

00:27:36.152 --> 00:27:49.051
People have to consume excessively otherwise the economy falls over and so it's mostly people spending money on crap they don't need, you know, and probably won't ever really use and you could get rid of it.

00:27:49.051 --> 00:27:49.892
You don't really need it.

00:27:50.866 --> 00:27:51.366
That's right.

00:27:51.987 --> 00:27:55.346
Yeah, no, you're absolutely right that that is the linchpin of our economy.

00:27:55.936 --> 00:28:10.237
And not only that we're so overdosed on consumption that there's even these businesses where you've been Extra storage because there's not enough room in your house to keep it all isn't it crazy You rent lockers and you rent garages to store this extra stuff.

00:28:10.247 --> 00:28:11.237
You're not going to use.

00:28:13.826 --> 00:28:32.156
And you know, I'm in real estate and oftentimes I've been involved in buying distressed real estate and I can't tell you how much, I mean, almost every time I'd buy one, and even I, I'd create value by, by, by breaking it down, but it would be just a hoarder's paradise, right?

00:28:32.186 --> 00:28:34.686
Like just, just people who just have.

00:28:35.172 --> 00:29:10.251
Stuff from top to bottom, you know the floor to the ceiling in every inch of their home and and I think eventually it consumes them Forces them into distress, you know, and but I mean almost every distressed property I've ever bought has been that way It's just been and we'll fill up dumpsters just throwing out their stuff And that's always the hardest part is getting them to go and leave their stuff, you know Yeah And we'll create value just by getting rid of it and cleaning it out and putting it back out even though the house has not changed condition at all.

00:29:10.392 --> 00:29:11.402
Yeah, Exactly.

00:29:11.422 --> 00:29:13.311
I went through that whole exercise.

00:29:13.311 --> 00:29:17.132
I cleared my entire house in London of all its contents.

00:29:17.132 --> 00:29:19.051
I either sold or gave away everything.

00:29:19.261 --> 00:29:21.872
I left myself with a bag of clothes and a laptop, basically.

00:29:22.251 --> 00:29:25.832
It took me about four months to get everything away.

00:29:26.392 --> 00:29:26.692
Wow.

00:29:26.751 --> 00:29:29.251
It was a long process and it was painful, you know, because I had to.

00:29:29.251 --> 00:29:29.642
Oh, sure.

00:29:29.642 --> 00:29:29.662
Yeah.

00:29:30.172 --> 00:29:39.061
Photograph every item and send it on a list round to all my friends and family and put it on eBay and all these things I had to do to actually make it happen.

00:29:39.531 --> 00:29:39.892
Wow.

00:29:41.231 --> 00:29:41.402
You

00:29:41.402 --> 00:30:11.096
know, there is something I go through this every once in a while, I get into this This feeling of just overwhelm this and I found that for me the exercise is to go through and Start by cleaning up my desk in my room And then I just start filling up bags of stuff to go give away at the local Goodwill the local charity And I can't tell you how good that feels and these are things that I might have thought I had a huge attachment to What is it about

00:30:11.166 --> 00:30:14.287
that process that gives rise to that feeling do you think how do you explain?

00:30:14.336 --> 00:30:27.176
I think the issue is more leading up to it that we tend to think sometimes we're in despair or distress or something when we can't really think, I think it's American consumerism where we just think we have to get something and we call it retail therapy, right?

00:30:27.176 --> 00:30:28.626
We go out and go shopping.

00:30:28.912 --> 00:30:34.321
And before you know it, we've gotten all kinds of stuff and, and we, and we don't really need it.

00:30:34.321 --> 00:30:35.632
It hasn't dealt with the issues.

00:30:35.632 --> 00:30:41.942
It hasn't, and once you just get rid of it, it just feel, you just feel like, Oh, I don't need that.

00:30:42.271 --> 00:30:55.741
you know, how I've come to understand this because I, in the monastery, I learned about the cycle of craving, which is from the Buddhist teaching and, and the people like Brene Brown and other modern scholars have really.

00:30:56.696 --> 00:31:04.576
Popularized a lot of that understanding in their work, but essentially all of us have a basic experience, which is, we're not enough.

00:31:05.537 --> 00:31:06.567
I have it, you have it.

00:31:06.567 --> 00:31:07.297
We all have this.

00:31:07.922 --> 00:31:11.971
Baseline feeling that we're not enough, there's a hole to be filled.

00:31:13.061 --> 00:31:19.521
And so consumerism is promoted to us as a way of feeling that, Oh, buy this car.

00:31:19.521 --> 00:31:21.834
And you'll be like king of the road or

00:31:21.834 --> 00:31:22.154
get

00:31:22.154 --> 00:31:23.440
this pair of shoes.

00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:25.689
And everyone's going to think you're brilliant.

00:31:25.689 --> 00:31:27.296
You've got the latest trainers.

00:31:27.296 --> 00:31:30.830
You're going to be the king of your street or something.

00:31:30.830 --> 00:31:31.152
Yeah.

00:31:31.612 --> 00:31:32.342
None of it's true.

00:31:32.362 --> 00:31:37.602
It's all complete and utter rubbish, but it's sold to us in a really clever way.

00:31:37.612 --> 00:31:37.632
Yeah.

00:31:37.957 --> 00:31:42.676
so we think that that's going to make us happy and fulfilled and whole and complete.

00:31:42.777 --> 00:31:51.807
So we buy this thing and just very temporarily for a few minutes or a day or two, it does temporarily cease the craving.

00:31:52.477 --> 00:31:58.777
However, it starts to wear off and then we start clinging to that feeling again that we want it again.

00:31:59.176 --> 00:31:59.507
Yeah.

00:31:59.507 --> 00:32:07.676
And so we start craving something else and then the cycle repeats and so we're in, we're all locked in an endless cycle.

00:32:08.922 --> 00:32:20.942
Wanting, craving, clinging, wanting, craving, clinging, and you get these moments of temporary cessation or pleasure and they're short lived because real happiness is something entirely different.

00:32:20.951 --> 00:32:29.576
Real happiness is peace that comes from the inside outwards, whereas pleasure is something that's come from the outside inwards.

00:32:29.576 --> 00:32:30.957
And it can only be temporary.

00:32:31.007 --> 00:32:31.727
it's like a drug.

00:32:31.727 --> 00:32:32.686
It wears off.

00:32:34.366 --> 00:32:37.207
I've read somewhere you have six rules of happiness.

00:32:37.557 --> 00:32:41.086
When I wrote the story of the 14 year period and what I'd learned.

00:32:41.692 --> 00:32:43.852
And the wisdom I gained and the insight it gave me.

00:32:43.852 --> 00:32:45.721
And I'm sharing some of that with you here.

00:32:46.551 --> 00:32:50.582
my editors said to me, can I write the final chapter of the book?

00:32:50.592 --> 00:32:55.491
Could I summarize in some way, the wisdom gained from those 14 years?

00:32:55.491 --> 00:33:07.701
And so I sat with that for quite a long time and came up with what I call my six rules for happiness, A certain mindset or a set of beliefs that really do direct me into a happy life.

00:33:07.932 --> 00:33:08.701
And what are those?

00:33:08.701 --> 00:33:13.412
And rule number one was about building a strong foundation within oneself.

00:33:13.432 --> 00:33:15.672
And that points to vision, values, purpose.

00:33:16.021 --> 00:33:17.362
So we've sort of talked about that.

00:33:17.362 --> 00:33:19.112
So I won't say anything more about that.

00:33:19.531 --> 00:33:22.571
The rule number one is build a strong foundation inside yourself.

00:33:23.071 --> 00:33:27.261
Get the self awareness that you need and maintain that self awareness.

00:33:27.602 --> 00:33:29.622
It gives you a kind of inner dashboard.

00:33:30.311 --> 00:33:44.672
You know, you'd never sort of drive across the United States in a vehicle, which didn't give you all the indicators on the dashboard you needed, like temperature, fuel, you know, range, you know, you need that dashboard to be able to travel.

00:33:44.682 --> 00:33:46.321
You know, you can't do without it.

00:33:46.321 --> 00:33:49.432
And I think we need the dashboard of self awareness in ourselves.

00:33:49.432 --> 00:33:50.721
Otherwise we can't live well.

00:33:51.852 --> 00:33:56.541
Number two would be about taking a hundred percent ownership for everything that happens to us.

00:33:57.807 --> 00:34:13.306
I think when I talk to people who are experiencing difficulties in creating the life they want, they're sometimes stuck at some external circumstance or personal event and blaming or making excuses or waiting or hoping that's going to shift.

00:34:13.306 --> 00:34:23.306
And they're not owning, they're not saying that's not happening because I haven't found a way to, to actually flip that or transform that.

00:34:23.327 --> 00:34:27.697
I haven't come up yet with the way I'm going to remove that obstacle.

00:34:28.666 --> 00:34:33.947
Do it differently, so that blockages with me, not with the thing there or the person there.

00:34:35.166 --> 00:34:40.887
So taking a hundred percent ownership is a very important part of one's mindset to be happy.

00:34:41.746 --> 00:34:50.427
And it's also part of the mindset, which is, you know, like when something bad happens and it does because life blows like the weather, you can't predict it.

00:34:50.637 --> 00:34:53.416
It's just a series of events that's coming every day.

00:34:53.766 --> 00:34:54.347
So for fly.

00:34:55.677 --> 00:34:56.567
It gets canceled.

00:34:56.567 --> 00:34:56.697
Yeah.

00:34:56.697 --> 00:34:58.757
You can be pissed, but it's nobody's fault.

00:34:58.797 --> 00:34:59.657
It's just what's happened.

00:35:00.007 --> 00:35:05.456
The only choice you have in that situation is to choose the behaviors with which you respond to that event.

00:35:05.817 --> 00:35:06.967
You can't choose the event.

00:35:07.907 --> 00:35:18.047
And so there's no point in, dissipating all of your energy and blame and other things like that, because it doesn't help in any way, not your self or self belief is gets really eroded over time.

00:35:18.987 --> 00:35:20.646
So a hundred percent ownership.

00:35:20.717 --> 00:35:24.987
The third one I'd pull, be in your own observer or becoming your own observer.

00:35:25.847 --> 00:35:32.266
Because we are human beings, we have lots of thoughts and those thoughts give rise to certain feelings in our body.

00:35:32.847 --> 00:35:35.896
And those feelings drive our behavioral choices.

00:35:36.637 --> 00:35:39.456
So our behavior is a result of what we think and feel.

00:35:39.456 --> 00:35:41.617
That's where it, that's what generates our behavior.

00:35:42.577 --> 00:35:58.416
And so it makes sense then to examine, well, what, what are we thinking and why are we thinking that so we need this ability to step outside of ourselves and go, like, for me, it would be, you know, I noticed right now that I'm really enjoying the conversation I'm in with you, Louis.

00:35:58.456 --> 00:36:01.336
I'm, I'm noticing that I'm having the thought.

00:36:02.007 --> 00:36:03.226
I'm noticing I'm having the thought.

00:36:04.277 --> 00:36:05.902
This is a really enjoyable conversation.

00:36:06.222 --> 00:36:08.581
I'm just noticing I'm thinking that while I'm talking about something else.

00:36:09.572 --> 00:36:13.081
So I'm not, I'm actually, therefore I'm not the thought itself.

00:36:13.132 --> 00:36:19.891
I'm the person, I'm the, I'm the consciousness that's aware of and observing my thinking.

00:36:20.202 --> 00:36:21.061
That's who I am.

00:36:21.641 --> 00:36:25.612
Ray is a personality I've constructed, a character I'm playing.

00:36:26.411 --> 00:36:26.831
That's it.

00:36:27.041 --> 00:36:37.271
You know, that there's a separation and that separation is vital in moments where we're emotionally charged in moments where we're down, demoralized in moments where.

00:36:37.797 --> 00:36:40.036
We don't see much possibility.

00:36:40.527 --> 00:36:41.416
It's really important.

00:36:41.427 --> 00:36:46.456
That separation gives us more options, more choices, more possibility.

00:36:48.027 --> 00:36:53.336
How can we, are there any exercises or anything we can use to improve as our own observers?

00:36:54.117 --> 00:37:15.817
Yeah, I mean, I was going to maybe touch into that later, but certainly for me, one of the things that's really served me well is having a daily meditation practice because in that stillness, I calm my own mind down and when I'm in that still quiet time, it's when I start to go.

00:37:16.317 --> 00:37:22.186
Get insight into what things I'm processing and I start to see a much deeper level.

00:37:22.606 --> 00:37:29.027
I think of it like we're living in our thinking minds pretty much 99 percent of the time we're living, we live in our thoughts.

00:37:29.027 --> 00:37:37.467
We're kind of living in our heads, really, and our experience of life, our reality, what we call our reality is, is our thinking about our life.

00:37:37.757 --> 00:37:41.277
We're experiencing our thinking life itself.

00:37:41.817 --> 00:37:44.577
Life itself is indirectly coming in.

00:37:45.976 --> 00:37:54.317
You know when you go on holiday and you get like a snow globe of Paris or something, it's got lit life or tower model, and you shake it and all the snowflakes fly around.

00:37:55.327 --> 00:37:57.177
Well, that's our thinking mind.

00:37:57.177 --> 00:37:58.887
It's like constantly shaking.

00:37:58.891 --> 00:38:00.672
It's mm-Hmm things flying around.

00:38:00.867 --> 00:38:03.056
It's agitated, it's busy.

00:38:03.467 --> 00:38:09.556
And when you put that thing down on the table and leave it and stop shaking it, all the flakes fall to the bottom.

00:38:10.217 --> 00:38:17.036
And it becomes still and for the first time you can see clearly what's in there, you know, you don't start skewering the picture.

00:38:17.597 --> 00:38:34.277
And that's why for me, meditation works so well, It's the quietening of that thinking mind that gives rise to the stillness and clarity of what's going on in the inner world, what I call your internal weather report, is how I like to phrase it.

00:38:35.336 --> 00:38:38.286
And that, we don't have access to that until we are really quiet and still.

00:38:38.496 --> 00:38:41.916
We just can't, the voice of our inner wisdom is too quiet, we can't hear it.

00:38:42.987 --> 00:38:47.146
do you have a particular meditation practice you like, or do you just sit in stillness and quiet?

00:38:47.157 --> 00:38:47.516
Yeah,

00:38:47.516 --> 00:38:58.577
I mostly sit in stillness, but these more recently I've come to like kind of some just very soft esoteric meditation music to sit on.

00:38:59.547 --> 00:39:03.556
sometimes I like a guided meditation where someone's actually saying, close your eyes.

00:39:04.226 --> 00:39:05.166
Imagine this.

00:39:05.197 --> 00:39:06.536
I'll now take a deep breath.

00:39:07.007 --> 00:39:09.927
And there's actually something to follow when there's someone speaking.

00:39:10.467 --> 00:39:13.467
I don't like those as much, but I do once in a while like those.

00:39:15.237 --> 00:39:20.996
So we have, you're building a solid foundation, taking 100 percent ownership, responsibility, ownership.

00:39:21.047 --> 00:39:21.336
Yeah.

00:39:21.436 --> 00:39:22.597
Becoming your own observer.

00:39:22.987 --> 00:39:30.827
And then the fourth rule for happiness, one I could talk about all night, Powerful, purposeful, and sustainable relationships.

00:39:31.867 --> 00:39:37.847
Your happiness is very much dependent on the quality of relationships you build with other people.

00:39:37.876 --> 00:39:38.817
We are not separate.

00:39:39.146 --> 00:39:45.277
We are interconnected beings and that takes work and conscious effort because.

00:39:45.972 --> 00:39:58.092
You know, like if you work in a company and you become a member of a team in a department, it's very easy to just get in there and get on with your work and sort of drift in and out of the friendships you might create.

00:39:58.851 --> 00:40:09.782
Or like if you and I were to work together, we could sit down on the first day we're posted in the same place and we could say something like, Louis, we're going to work together for the next two or three years.

00:40:09.782 --> 00:40:12.041
Most likely we're going to be teammates.

00:40:12.652 --> 00:40:16.811
We don't know each other right now that well, but how about we have a conversation where we.

00:40:17.652 --> 00:40:24.181
share with each other what our visions are and what's most important to us and how we want to work and what we want to accomplish.

00:40:24.181 --> 00:40:33.681
And we understand a bit more about each other's values and then look at ways we can really radically support and challenge each other to grow to our fullest potential.

00:40:33.681 --> 00:40:38.981
And we can have a really intentional relationship where we can really just be here for each other and.

00:40:39.762 --> 00:40:46.672
Consciously, you know, we're working together, but we're really trying to help each other grow as much as we can and really doing that, serving each other in that way.

00:40:46.681 --> 00:40:52.512
How would that, you know, do you want to have a conversation like that where we could figure out how to make best use of our working relationship?

00:40:53.972 --> 00:40:56.521
So you're putting some intentionality into the pot.

00:40:56.722 --> 00:41:07.501
You're going, yes, but don't just want to drift into this and see what happens or nothing happens or fall out over silly little arguments and then not talk to each other ever again or whatever it would be.

00:41:09.322 --> 00:41:10.871
Because even those conversations, you know.

00:41:11.351 --> 00:41:27.492
Can include something like, so if you're my manager, let's say, and I'm reporting to you say, so if you do or say something that I feel uncomfortable about, or it doesn't seem feel right, how would I give you that?

00:41:27.552 --> 00:41:29.271
How would you like me to give you that feedback?

00:41:29.351 --> 00:41:29.731
Is there?

00:41:29.831 --> 00:41:31.262
What would be the best way for me to?

00:41:31.692 --> 00:41:36.802
bring that to your awareness, if you find you can agree how that could.

00:41:36.802 --> 00:41:37.481
Work, you know?

00:41:39.702 --> 00:41:40.012
Yeah.

00:41:40.012 --> 00:41:41.472
You know, it's interesting.

00:41:41.572 --> 00:42:02.242
I think, right now, I built a studio in my home and I have an office at my home and I'm finding everything now around my home and, I'm starting to recognize that, that takes away from me having the relationships I had I was forced to have somewhere else with other people, even though I have businesses with people all over the world.

00:42:02.981 --> 00:42:09.452
I, still find that I need the human connection live at a place.

00:42:09.802 --> 00:42:14.351
It's something I've been more conscious of lately that I think is important.

00:42:14.782 --> 00:42:14.981
Yeah.

00:42:14.992 --> 00:42:16.751
we all are wired for connection.

00:42:16.762 --> 00:42:17.842
It's really, really important.

00:42:18.311 --> 00:42:18.782
Yeah.

00:42:19.161 --> 00:42:21.822
but I think it's the intentionality I'm trying to highlight here.

00:42:22.152 --> 00:42:22.521
Right.

00:42:22.931 --> 00:42:32.672
Because you either take ownership for the kind of relationships that really empower you and set up those conditions or you drift in and out of it and hope for the best.

00:42:33.371 --> 00:42:34.972
Now, I know what I would choose,

00:42:35.902 --> 00:42:40.572
I just think that intentionality is a lot harder When everything is becoming remote

00:42:42.251 --> 00:42:48.871
and less difference and people care less about their work and conditions in play.

00:42:48.871 --> 00:42:49.112
Yeah.

00:42:49.152 --> 00:42:49.391
Yeah.

00:42:49.742 --> 00:42:49.972
Yeah.

00:42:49.972 --> 00:42:51.922
I mean, it's very easy to disconnect.

00:42:52.402 --> 00:42:52.731
Yeah.

00:42:52.871 --> 00:42:53.262
But that's,

00:42:53.702 --> 00:42:54.952
this is what I love what you're saying.

00:42:54.961 --> 00:43:00.152
Cause it's a common thing I hear, but my response to that is always, well, forget about the rest of the world.

00:43:00.161 --> 00:43:01.711
Just what do you want for your life?

00:43:01.842 --> 00:43:04.222
Just choose what you want and how you want to live your own life.

00:43:04.512 --> 00:43:04.961
Yes.

00:43:06.041 --> 00:43:16.992
And, when other people see how happy and fulfilled and how magnetic your energy is when you're living your life your way, they will be more than curious about what you're doing.

00:43:17.202 --> 00:43:17.731
It's attractive.

00:43:17.751 --> 00:43:18.161
They will.

00:43:18.431 --> 00:43:19.422
want a piece of that.

00:43:19.831 --> 00:43:23.431
So that's how you, you got to sort your own life out first.

00:43:23.632 --> 00:43:24.621
It's like on a plane.

00:43:24.621 --> 00:43:26.802
You've got to put your mask on first.

00:43:27.072 --> 00:43:28.052
You help someone else.

00:43:28.052 --> 00:43:31.362
You can't, you have no use to anyone if you're not living that

00:43:31.362 --> 00:43:31.561
way.

00:43:32.021 --> 00:43:32.382
Yeah.

00:43:33.751 --> 00:43:34.231
Good point.

00:43:34.871 --> 00:43:35.722
What are the others?

00:43:36.416 --> 00:44:00.217
The two that I haven't touched on one number five is all about taking care of yourself because these days proactive well being is a high agenda thing, you know, like so many people are facing stress, burnout, illnesses, diseases, cancers, even, from not proactively taking care of their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

00:44:00.887 --> 00:44:02.226
No one's going to do that for us.

00:44:02.677 --> 00:44:05.666
There's no, there's no savior coming to fix us.

00:44:06.726 --> 00:44:17.306
We have to really dedicate some of our energy and intelligence to taking care of our well being because the way the world is configured, it's not really got our well being interests at heart.

00:44:17.306 --> 00:44:24.677
I mean, the food is pretty poor, you know, the pharmaceutical industry has a field day, doesn't it?

00:44:24.677 --> 00:44:27.586
You know, it's, there's a lot of things are stacked up.

00:44:28.152 --> 00:44:31.621
Against us in terms of physical and mental and spiritual, especially

00:44:31.621 --> 00:44:32.382
here in the state.

00:44:32.391 --> 00:44:34.411
I think you have a few more protections in Europe.

00:44:34.442 --> 00:44:35.081
Yeah, yeah.

00:44:35.081 --> 00:44:35.262
But

00:44:35.282 --> 00:44:36.461
everywhere it's the same.

00:44:36.572 --> 00:44:43.561
I mean, comment, you know, the corporate world hasn't necessarily got your wellbeing interests at heart.

00:44:44.041 --> 00:44:44.342
Right.

00:44:44.362 --> 00:44:49.202
It's something you have to know and be really mindful of and take care of.

00:44:49.202 --> 00:44:54.922
And so there are certain practices and habits that are going to help you take care of yourself.

00:44:55.311 --> 00:44:57.702
Even basic ones like rest, exercise.

00:44:58.411 --> 00:45:04.202
You know, what mental diet you feed yourself with, how often you get into nature, things like that.

00:45:04.231 --> 00:45:08.802
I mean, they're just all, they've been for thousands of years recognized as well being practices.

00:45:09.121 --> 00:45:09.501
Yeah.

00:45:10.822 --> 00:45:13.771
So, so that's the number five bit proactive well being.

00:45:14.742 --> 00:45:24.661
And last one, number six, and it's kind of a different one to the other five because number six only works if you're doing the first five and that is.

00:45:25.742 --> 00:45:41.762
As well as doing those five that apply in those five rules rule six is you must use all of your understanding to empower others to do the same because deep happiness comes from empowering others to rise to their greatest potential.

00:45:42.391 --> 00:45:42.831
Yes.

00:45:43.512 --> 00:45:47.972
It doesn't, you can't be deeply content if your whole world just revolves around yourself.

00:45:49.961 --> 00:45:50.612
It's impossible.

00:45:51.041 --> 00:45:55.202
No, I think, at my happiest, I'm helping and inspiring others for sure.

00:45:55.202 --> 00:46:00.112
Whether it's one person or a million people, it doesn't matter, but it's about sharing.

00:46:00.121 --> 00:46:07.422
It's about encouraging, passing on, improving the world you're living in is part journey.

00:46:08.016 --> 00:46:15.217
even, personally, a great hack I've used, whenever I'm not feeling, in a great place is just to go out and find something good to do.

00:46:15.226 --> 00:46:18.456
You know, the old Boy Scout motto, do a good turn daily.

00:46:18.806 --> 00:46:19.527
Yeah, absolutely.

00:46:19.527 --> 00:46:28.047
You know, even if it's as simple as giving, Some money to a homeless person or which you can always find nowadays, unfortunately, but you know, just anything like that.

00:46:28.047 --> 00:46:29.907
It does make you feel good right away

00:46:29.916 --> 00:46:43.056
and those things that are because they tie back to rule number one, which is about what's important to your values and when you're living your values demonstrably when your actions and your words truly embody your values.

00:46:43.862 --> 00:46:46.541
You can't fail to be your deepest famous.

00:46:47.061 --> 00:46:47.442
Yeah.

00:46:47.762 --> 00:46:51.762
That's where, that's why that's, it feels so aligned to your soul.

00:46:52.492 --> 00:46:52.862
Yeah.

00:46:53.141 --> 00:46:53.771
You are.

00:46:54.072 --> 00:46:55.952
It's just simply who you are.

00:46:56.842 --> 00:47:05.302
so it's, it's when you're closest to being who you are and furthest away from being the manufactured personality, which is the condition self.

00:47:05.972 --> 00:47:06.291
Yeah.

00:47:06.371 --> 00:47:06.596
You

00:47:06.596 --> 00:47:10.166
know, you're not, you're taking the mask off and you're being really you.

00:47:12.295 --> 00:47:13.585
so those are the six rules.

00:47:13.585 --> 00:47:17.106
I mean, but when I wrote them in the book, I did stress to all the readers.

00:47:17.456 --> 00:47:19.565
These are my rules for happiness.

00:47:19.956 --> 00:47:26.275
I said, why don't you reflect on these and maybe make your own adaptations to decide what yours would be.

00:47:26.536 --> 00:47:28.206
But a lot of people have told me that they.

00:47:28.851 --> 00:47:33.940
Apply to them, you know, but it's, I'm not saying that they would work for every single person.

00:47:34.121 --> 00:47:35.170
I don't blame them.

00:47:35.621 --> 00:47:44.201
I think, you can reword them how you like or adjust them a little bit, but for the most part, these are pretty universal rules.

00:47:44.201 --> 00:47:44.460
Yeah,

00:47:44.460 --> 00:47:44.760
They are.

00:47:44.760 --> 00:47:44.971
They're not new.

00:47:44.971 --> 00:47:46.161
I mean, yeah.

00:47:46.251 --> 00:47:47.391
No, it makes a lot of sense.

00:47:47.666 --> 00:47:52.195
I've just made, I've just looked at how I've come to apply them and understand them myself.

00:47:52.445 --> 00:47:53.135
No, I love it.

00:47:53.206 --> 00:47:57.576
I think you brought a lot of consciousness to them, which I think is something that is not easy to do.

00:47:57.576 --> 00:47:59.106
So I commend you for that.

00:47:59.846 --> 00:48:05.606
And, On that note, I think we're at that point where we go into our world famous Wayfinder 4.

00:48:05.786 --> 00:48:06.106
Okay.

00:48:06.536 --> 00:48:06.856
Great.

00:48:06.976 --> 00:48:08.865
Tell me the questions again, cause I don't have them.

00:48:09.195 --> 00:48:10.206
Oh yeah, you're going to get them.

00:48:10.565 --> 00:48:11.885
first one is a hack.

00:48:12.885 --> 00:48:14.896
And you've already given us a few, so.

00:48:15.646 --> 00:48:16.416
Yeah, I would say

00:48:17.356 --> 00:48:21.996
the best hack I have got, Is to always come back to your breath.

00:48:23.416 --> 00:48:28.436
The breath is the most beautiful, natural reset mechanism that we've been given.

00:48:29.235 --> 00:48:48.286
So if you're in a difficult moment, always just become still and just focus all of your awareness and attention on your breathing and just noticing that you're alive and you have an ability to breathe is already a gift, but it just gives you a moment to come out of your thinking.

00:48:49.411 --> 00:48:56.731
And then decide when you go back into your thinking, you can re enter through a slightly different doorway, maybe, but that would be my hack.

00:48:56.811 --> 00:48:57.840
I use it all the time.

00:48:58.001 --> 00:49:08.831
I sit and have a few deep breaths between most meetings to kind of clean up mentally before I start the next conversation, have a bit of a cash clearing reset.

00:49:09.746 --> 00:49:10.275
I love that

00:49:10.695 --> 00:49:22.025
and just check in on myself before I go into the next conversation what's going on inside of me because if I'm going into a conversation to uplift a person, but I'm feeling defensive or angry from the last conversation.

00:49:22.025 --> 00:49:23.106
I'm not in the right place.

00:49:23.556 --> 00:49:23.916
Yeah.

00:49:24.695 --> 00:49:31.175
And so I have to be conscious about what the energy is going on inside of me before I start that.

00:49:31.175 --> 00:49:31.635
Excellent.

00:49:31.635 --> 00:49:32.096
How

00:49:32.096 --> 00:49:32.556
about

00:49:34.416 --> 00:49:34.885
a favorite?

00:49:34.885 --> 00:49:34.960
All right.

00:49:35.570 --> 00:49:37.811
This could be a book, movie activity.

00:49:37.871 --> 00:49:39.010
Yeah, I saw that question.

00:49:39.061 --> 00:49:45.780
I, there's a few I like at the moment, but perhaps one of the podcasts I really like is a British guy called Stephen Bartlett.

00:49:46.110 --> 00:49:47.860
Oh, I saw him a couple

00:49:47.860 --> 00:49:48.420
of weeks

00:49:48.420 --> 00:49:49.871
ago in DC.

00:49:49.871 --> 00:49:53.740
We went to the podcast movement conference and he was a keynote speaker.

00:49:53.951 --> 00:49:54.210
Yeah.

00:49:54.210 --> 00:49:54.960
His podcast

00:49:55.010 --> 00:49:55.721
is dynamite.

00:49:55.721 --> 00:49:55.981
It's brilliant.

00:49:56.010 --> 00:49:56.710
Incredible.

00:49:56.771 --> 00:49:57.231
Incredible.

00:49:57.621 --> 00:49:59.541
He is such a phenom.

00:49:59.820 --> 00:50:00.360
Yeah, he

00:50:00.360 --> 00:50:01.061
is.

00:50:01.061 --> 00:50:04.300
He's very inspirational to people of his generation because he's in his thirties.

00:50:04.300 --> 00:50:04.541
I think.

00:50:04.550 --> 00:50:04.851
Right.

00:50:04.851 --> 00:50:04.891
Yeah.

00:50:05.201 --> 00:50:06.510
I think he's exactly 30.

00:50:06.541 --> 00:50:06.820
Yeah.

00:50:07.221 --> 00:50:10.260
And so, you know, he's a really inspiring 30 year old man.

00:50:10.260 --> 00:50:17.800
He speaks so much plain truth and makes it so clear for people to hear and see and apply.

00:50:18.400 --> 00:50:21.362
he's a very wealthy man at 30, he's a CTV personality.

00:50:21.362 --> 00:50:23.070
He's had a lot of exposure.

00:50:23.360 --> 00:50:44.280
Well, great, because he kind of deserves it because his wisdom is so valuable and empowering to others, he has great guests on show and he has Uncensored unbarred conversations with those people About whatever they want to talk about without judging them or kind of getting locked in or disagree, you know, it's not he's not adversarial is curious.

00:50:44.530 --> 00:50:56.411
he demonstrates so much curiosity, you know, and for a guy who's that successful, you think, wow, that's quite unusual because most people are usually full of themselves with it, right?

00:50:56.411 --> 00:50:58.150
They're kind of telling I know best.

00:50:58.181 --> 00:50:58.650
Look at me.

00:50:58.650 --> 00:50:59.971
I'm a multimillionaire.

00:51:00.416 --> 00:51:01.606
He's not like that at all.

00:51:02.096 --> 00:51:02.576
Not at all.

00:51:02.826 --> 00:51:11.195
what the Buddhists call, the Buddhist Sabbath phrase, always go into conversations with beginner's mind, you know, as if you'd known little or nothing.

00:51:12.150 --> 00:51:15.840
And then you can learn from the other person, he's like that.

00:51:16.291 --> 00:51:16.681
Yeah.

00:51:17.001 --> 00:51:19.291
Well, he started with that intention, right?

00:51:19.291 --> 00:51:32.981
He wanted to interview very successful CEOs to find out not the normal questions about, how they run their companies or what, but, he was curious about what their life is really like everything from, their love life to other parts.

00:51:32.981 --> 00:51:40.900
and I think because that he wanted to know what made them them When you start that way, I think you keep it going and it's easy to keep going.

00:51:40.900 --> 00:51:41.240
So,

00:51:41.510 --> 00:51:42.221
yeah, exactly.

00:51:42.440 --> 00:51:43.391
He he's amazing.

00:51:43.440 --> 00:51:49.101
if you look up podcast movement, 2024 on YouTube, I'm sure you'll see his speech somewhere.

00:51:49.170 --> 00:51:50.070
It was amazing.

00:51:50.581 --> 00:51:51.181
I was there.

00:51:51.221 --> 00:51:51.411
Yeah.

00:51:51.411 --> 00:51:52.420
It was like three weeks ago.

00:51:52.721 --> 00:51:53.831
Did you actually get to talk to him?

00:51:54.490 --> 00:51:54.820
No.

00:51:54.831 --> 00:51:57.260
I didn't there were a lot of people there that he invests with.

00:51:57.900 --> 00:52:04.690
He's got a lot of different, startups and I got to meet quite a few people for startups that he's a part of That was interesting.

00:52:04.701 --> 00:52:05.731
Like there was a happy hour.

00:52:05.731 --> 00:52:09.130
I got to talk to one of, his startup company CEOs.

00:52:09.280 --> 00:52:14.141
And, I would, you know, I'd do anything just to have that kind of access on a regular, right.

00:52:14.150 --> 00:52:15.050
To somebody like that.

00:52:15.081 --> 00:52:23.041
I think that's why I would love to do it more so than maybe even, you know, Founding that company that he's starting up.

00:52:23.050 --> 00:52:23.920
I think it'd be

00:52:23.920 --> 00:52:24.210
interesting.

00:52:24.360 --> 00:52:35.121
I wrote to him when the book got published, you know, saying, I know I'm not probably in the same level of public recognition as a lot of the guests you have, but you know, yeah.

00:52:35.300 --> 00:52:37.561
To be, talking to you about that.

00:52:37.561 --> 00:52:38.581
I never got a reply.

00:52:39.650 --> 00:52:39.840
Yeah.

00:52:39.840 --> 00:52:43.420
He's very intriguing and he's doing a lot in the U S now it seems like too.

00:52:44.030 --> 00:52:44.471
That's right.

00:52:44.791 --> 00:52:47.221
How about a piece of advice for your younger self?

00:52:48.226 --> 00:53:07.065
Gosh, I mean, there's so many, but I think the one I'd choose right now in this moment would be as early as possible, you know, start orientating yourself with the inside out way of living, not the outside in way of living, which is the way the world teaches us.

00:53:08.065 --> 00:53:17.306
It's a very different orientation, but the most powerful way of living, which is, You generate your reality from the inside and they manifest it outwards.

00:53:17.945 --> 00:53:21.045
So happiness is something you can choose in any moment.

00:53:21.706 --> 00:53:28.036
It doesn't require any particular set of circumstances in order to feel at peace or content or grateful.

00:53:29.585 --> 00:53:37.056
And then when you go out into the world with that belief and that mindset, draw things to you that are magical.

00:53:38.976 --> 00:53:40.505
Whereas the other way around.

00:53:41.351 --> 00:53:48.351
You're unhappy until you find something in the outside world to fix your unhappiness, and it doesn't last.

00:53:48.710 --> 00:53:52.081
There's nothing in the outside that can ever fix anything inside of us.

00:53:52.460 --> 00:53:53.170
It's impossible.

00:53:54.240 --> 00:54:03.050
So that would be my piece of advice, would be to maintain your inside out orientation and live that way.

00:54:05.481 --> 00:54:11.010
What about, for the last one, A big opportunity or a limiting belief.

00:54:14.190 --> 00:54:19.791
Well, for me right now, the big opportunity is to, no one in America knows me or my story.

00:54:19.800 --> 00:54:23.751
And so I'm trying to infiltrate our country, huh?

00:54:23.951 --> 00:54:24.300
Yeah.

00:54:24.311 --> 00:54:29.931
I'm trying to reach out and connect with more people in America because I don't even listen.

00:54:29.940 --> 00:54:30.971
That's why we're talking.

00:54:30.971 --> 00:54:34.400
So that for me, the big opportunity would be to somehow.

00:54:34.920 --> 00:54:50.690
You know, connect with citizens of the United States who have an interest in journeys, which are about massive transitions, or how do you gain self awareness and access to your own innate wisdom?

00:54:51.291 --> 00:54:52.490
How do you create a vision?

00:54:52.550 --> 00:55:01.240
You know, when you've got a vision like that, how do you knowledge what might hold you back and identify those things and be honest with yourself?

00:55:02.081 --> 00:55:08.201
How do you clarify what adaptation you need and what things you need to change in yourself to materialize that vision?

00:55:08.681 --> 00:55:18.121
So I love, I mean, my joy is to have conversations with people about those things because I've had to face into those myself and really understand how those things work.

00:55:18.971 --> 00:55:24.670
and I love talking about those, but mostly I love empowering other people to go beyond those limitations.

00:55:25.885 --> 00:55:32.606
I'm on a quest at the moment to meet as many people in America as I can, you know, and sort of tell stories and spread them.

00:55:33.275 --> 00:55:34.315
That's my opportunity.

00:55:34.905 --> 00:55:35.306
Excellent.

00:55:35.385 --> 00:55:35.666
I'll see

00:55:35.666 --> 00:55:36.195
if I can help

00:55:36.195 --> 00:55:36.626
you with that.

00:55:37.516 --> 00:55:42.275
So, Ray, if people want to know a little bit more about you, how can they find you?

00:55:43.056 --> 00:55:47.246
Well, the easiest way I, I've got a copy of the book here.

00:55:47.255 --> 00:55:48.626
It's called life without a tie.

00:55:48.925 --> 00:55:52.215
Sorry about the lighting and, there's a website.

00:55:53.851 --> 00:55:54.010
Lifewithoutatide.

00:55:54.050 --> 00:56:04.641
com and the reason that website exists is because when the book got published and people started reading it, a lot of them wrote to me and said, do you have any pictures of all these places that you were at?

00:56:05.371 --> 00:56:12.811
And so we built a website to put photographs from that, from those 14 years and the different significant things that have happened and the trip.

00:56:13.751 --> 00:56:17.210
And so, you know, a lot of people go and take a look at the pictures and stuff like that.

00:56:18.016 --> 00:56:18.795
that's the best way.

00:56:18.936 --> 00:56:23.436
And I'm on LinkedIn, but most of my correspondence these days is through LinkedIn.

00:56:23.826 --> 00:56:24.655
So I'm on there too.

00:56:25.425 --> 00:56:25.795
Okay.

00:56:26.365 --> 00:56:27.346
do you have the handle?

00:56:27.365 --> 00:56:28.496
Cause, your name is.

00:56:29.115 --> 00:56:29.576
pretty common.

00:56:29.576 --> 00:56:30.226
I think, I think it's

00:56:31.246 --> 00:56:32.856
coach Ray Martin, I think it's

00:56:33.175 --> 00:56:33.925
coach Ray Martin.

00:56:33.945 --> 00:56:34.226
Okay.

00:56:34.246 --> 00:56:34.425
Yeah.

00:56:34.425 --> 00:56:34.755
Very good.

00:56:35.005 --> 00:56:35.255
Yeah.

00:56:35.266 --> 00:56:38.626
I, if I can send you that after, you know, I think it's coach Ray Martin.

00:56:39.735 --> 00:56:40.155
Excellent.

00:56:40.856 --> 00:56:43.565
Well, Ray, I really appreciate it having you on the show.

00:56:43.565 --> 00:56:45.115
I'm sure our listeners will too.

00:56:45.445 --> 00:56:46.536
you have a great story.

00:56:46.536 --> 00:56:50.536
I think you've done something very enviable here and I think we could all learn from it.

00:56:50.565 --> 00:56:53.936
So, I, I'm going to order your book and I look forward to reading it.

00:56:54.425 --> 00:56:58.965
Developing a, a, a more intentional relationship with you over time.

00:56:58.976 --> 00:56:59.465
Me too.

00:56:59.545 --> 00:56:59.916
Me too.

00:56:59.976 --> 00:57:00.146
Yeah.

00:57:00.146 --> 00:57:00.405
Brilliant.

00:57:01.045 --> 00:57:01.295
Yeah.

00:57:01.306 --> 00:57:01.496
Superb.

00:57:02.335 --> 00:57:02.936
Thank you Ray.

00:57:03.365 --> 00:57:03.695
Okay.

00:57:09.240 --> 00:57:11.001
We hope you've enjoyed The Wayfinder Show.

00:57:11.150 --> 00:57:15.371
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00:57:15.661 --> 00:57:19.911
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00:57:20.570 --> 00:57:21.871
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